Torn
by mrmswell
Summary: AU. Fitz and Olivia reunite after being apart for many years, and they have to decide if they still want the same things they once wanted years ago.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is a story that's been on my mind for a while. I wasn't too sure about posting it, because it's totally different from The Game Plan and First and Goal. Just know that Olitz is endgame. It's just a matter of getting there.**

Chapter 1: Reunion

 _So long I've searched for you._

 _So long but now it's true._

 _Girl it's our reunion…_

 _Since last we loved_

 _No one's come near_

 _No girl can ever compare_

 _To you my dear_

 _Girl it's our reunion._

Fitz smoothed down his tie and picked imaginary lint from his shirt. He looked at the sterling roses in his hand. Maybe he should have gotten red. No, these were her favorite. He took a deep breath and finally released it when his finger connected with the doorbell. His nerves finally started to dissipate. He had waited his whole life for this moment. He was ready. The door finally opened.

"Hi," the little boy said. "Are you here for my auntie?"

"Yes," he said, knowing the little boy with the reddish brown hair and freckles was Abby's son. He smiled as he remembered how close Olivia and Abby were in school. He was happy that Olivia still had her best friend.

"JJ, what have I told you about opening the door by yourself?"

Her voice floated through the air and his heart skipped a beat. She still sounded like an angel. And, he could only assume she still looked the same. His hands started to sweat at the prospect of seeing her again. She rounded the corner and it was better than he could have imagined. She looked the same as the day he left. An image that had burned itself on his brain and refused to leave. The only thing that kept him going from day to day.

Her eyes connected with his and her legs almost gave out.

"Fitz," she whispered.

He finally stepped inside prepared to help her. But, she grabbed onto the couch for support and steadied herself.

"Hi Livvie."

"Mommy, you were right," the little boy said, going to her side. "He's here for auntie."

He literally felt the dagger in his heart. "Mommy?" Fitz whispered. When did that happen? Why did it happen? "You have a son?"

She didn't say anything. She just stared at him, unsure if what she was seeing was true.

Suddenly a high-pitched cry pierced the air, breaking her from her daze. She turned to the little boy. "Can you go talk to your sister until she falls back asleep?"

"Okay," he said and ran off, leaving the two of them alone.

"These are for you," Fitz said, holding the roses out to her. But, she didn't acknowledge them.

She reached out with a shaky hand and touched his cheek. "You're really here," she whispered as she gazed in his eyes, instantly reconnecting with him. It was as if the years had never passed. "You came back."

"I said I would."

He felt the cold metal of her rings on his cheek and tears filled his eyes. He reached up and touched the rings. She jerked her hand away.

"I thought you were going to wait for me," he said quietly looking down at her hand.

She needed to put some space between them and quickly so that she could think. She took the roses from his hand, grabbed an empty vase off the mantle and went in the kitchen to fill them with water.

Ten years. It has been ten years since she last saw him. Why was he there? And, why did she have butterflies from seeing him? Why could she still feel the softness of his cheek on her fingertips or the tenderness in his touch that did not match the betrayal in his eyes?

"Liv, babe, why is the front door open?"

She gasped at the sound of her husband's voice and tried to quickly finish cutting the stems off the roses.

"Who are you?" She heard him ask.

Fitz looked at the man standing in front of him and honestly had the same question. But, then he noticed the reddish brown afro and freckles and it all made sense.

"Fitzgerald Grant," Fitz said extending his hand.

"Fitzgerald Grant? That name sounds familiar."

"Ms. Laura's son," Olivia said as she joined them in the living room.

"Oh. So, I'm guessing you two grew up together?"

"Yes," Olivia said, wrapping her arm around his waist. "Fitz, this is my husband, Jonathan."

She saw the hurt in his eyes as he shook hands with Jonathan. "Nice to meet you," they both said.

"Where are the kids?" Jonathan asked.

"The nursery. JJ is entertaining Gabby."

"I'll let you and your friend catch up," Jonathan said and gave her a quick kiss before going to the nursery.

"So, how long have you been married?"

"Six years," Olivia said without looking at him. "Your mother didn't tell you I was married?"

"No. We don't talk about you." He regretted the words the moment they left his mouth. They were true, but not in the way they sounded.

She took a deep breath and tried to conceal the hurt. But, he saw it.

"Liv, I didn't mean-"

"Don't worry about it. You don't talk to me. You don't talk about me. At least you're consistent."

"That's not what I meant." He rubbed a hand over his face. This was going horribly. "This isn't going the way I expected," he admitted.

"I didn't expect not to hear from you for 10 years," she replied. She tried to hide the hurt, anger, and bitterness in her voice. But, they both heard it.

"Mommy," JJ came running in the room. "Daddy said we can get pizza tonight."

"Good. If we order in, it'll give me more time to tackle this hair of yours," she said as she ran her hand over his unruly hair.

"Aah man," JJ whined. "Comb Gabby's hair."

"If you don't want it combed, Daddy can always cut it," Olivia said with a smile.

"No. No haircut," JJ demanded.

Olivia smiled. Threatening her son with a haircut, always worked. In JJ's mind, not having an afro meant he wasn't like his father, which was exactly what he wanted.

"I'll let you get back to your family," Fitz said, looking solemnly at the little boy who should have been his. "It was good seeing you again," he said as he left.

* * *

"Guess who's back," Abby said as Olivia sat on the couch with her later that night.

"He came to see me," Olivia said, quietly.

"What?" Abby exclaimed in a loud whisper, pulling her legs underneath herself. "No wonder you're in here, eating ice cream at almost midnight. What did he want?"

"To make good on that promise we made ten years ago," Olivia told her.

"Did you talk about it?" Abby wanted to know.

"No. Jonathan came home."

"You know they're having a welcome back party for him tomorrow."

"That's nice."

"You should go."

Olivia cut her eyes at her.

"What? Don't act like you don't want to talk to him and find out why you didn't hear from him for ten years," Abby said.

Olivia looked at her. She was right. She did want to know. She needed to know. "I told Jonathan he was a childhood friend. And, he's seen his mom at some family functions. I could go."

"You should go," Abby pushed.

"David called you," Olivia said, changing the subject.

"So since I've stopped answering his calls, he's decided to start calling you."

"He said he was coming by to see you, today. I thought it was him when Fitz showed up," Olivia admitted. "He sounds lonely."

"Good. He needs to be. He knew when I moved in that I wanted marriage and kids. Now, he's talking about he's not sure if that's what he wants. So, I'm letting him see how it feels to not have me," Abby said.

"I hope you two work it out," Olivia said.

"Unfortunately so do I," Abby confessed. "I miss his annoying ass."

"Well, the guest room is yours as long as you need or want it."

"Thanks."

"I'm going to bed." Olivia hugged Abby and made her way upstairs.

She climbed into bed with her husband and wrapped an arm and leg around him.

"Abby get in okay?" He asked.

"Yeah."

"She said they're having a welcome home party for Fitz tomorrow," she told him. "Do you want to go?"

He turned to face her. "He's your friend. Do you want to go?"

"Yes," she softly admitted. She felt the butterflies in her stomach at the prospect of seeing him again and she hated herself for it. She loved the man who was in her arms. There was no doubt in her mind that she loved him. But, something was still pulling her to Fitz.

The next morning when she didn't hear the TV in the living room playing cartoons, she checked in JJ's room for him. When she didn't see him, she immediately knew where he was. She peeked in Abby's room and saw JJ and Gabby lying on either side of her. She smiled at how much their children looked like them. JJ looked just like Jonathan. And little Gabrielle looked just like her. They each had a mini me.

"Where are our offspring?" Jonathan asked when she got in the kitchen.

"With Abby."

"They're going to take advantage of her while she's here."

"She welcomes it. Last night, when I heard Gabby over the baby monitor, Abby was already in there by the time I got to her room. She told me to go back to bed. I wasn't going to argue with it," Olivia told him.

Jonathan smiled. "Then, we should take advantage of it." He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her.

He groaned when his work phone rang, interrupting them. He stepped out of the room to take the call and Olivia finished the pancakes that he had started. Mickey Mouse pancakes were a Saturday morning tradition at their house. They would usually cook breakfast and dinner together on the weekends. They would switch out the days throughout the week. She would cook breakfast and Jonathan would cook dinner on the two days she taught late at the local university and vice versa on his two late days of work. Friday was usually take-out.

"There's a problem at one of the construction sites," Jonathan began when he came back in the kitchen. "So, I'm going to have to go take care of that. Looks like I'm going to miss your friend's party."

"Oh," Olivia said. She didn't really know what else she was supposed to say, but she was somewhat thankful and glad that he couldn't go.

"I'll take JJ with me so you won't have to deal with both kids at the party," he offered.

"It's okay. Abby is here. And my parents will be there."

"Truthfully, I just want to take him with me," he said with a smile. "Kindergarten has gotten in the way of my buddy going to work with me," he confessed.

Olivia smiled. "Okay. I'll go get him up."

She lightly knocked on Abby's door and pushed it open to find Abby and the kids sitting in the bed watching cartoons.

"Hi mommy," JJ greeted her.

Gabby started crawling towards her and saying mama over and over again.

"Hi cuties," she said, kissing them. She picked Gabby up in her arms. "JJ, do you want to go to work with Daddy?"

"Yes," he said, excitedly.

"Go get ready," Olivia said and he jumped down and ran out of the room.

"So, Jonathan is going to miss Fitz's party," Abby commented.

"Yeah."

"Fate?"

"Or Satan."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Something I Cannot Have

 _Saw you at a party the other night_

 _Last place I thought you'd be_

 _He was holding on to you so tight_

 _I felt like he was choking me_

 _See I never wanted nothing_

 _That belonged to someone else_

 _But I want you so bad_

 _I want you all for myself_

 _I want to be your lover_

 _Wish I could tell you so_

 _But I'll keep it close to my heart_

 _Until he lets you go_

 _I want something that I cannot have_

 _Something beautiful_

 _Something just out of my grasp_

Fitz could feel his head pounding before he opened his eyes. He had spent the night trying to drink his reality away. But, it didn't work. Nothing could erase the fact that the love of his life was married to another man with kids. Then, when he finally went to sleep, he dreamed they were finally together only to wake up and realize it wasn't true. Why had fate and life decided to be so cruel to him?

He rolled out of bed and made his way to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. He got a bottle of aspirin out of the cabinet and took a couple, hoping it would stop the headache.

"That's what happens when you stay up drinking all night," his mother said when she came in the kitchen.

"I had to do something," Fitz said. If he had stayed sober, he would have cried himself to sleep. And, crying seemed weak. But, what could he do? The only thing he wanted to do was take her away from her husband and make her his wife. "Why didn't you tell me she was married," Fitz wanted to know.

"You told me not to talk about Olivia to you. Or talk about you to her. So, I honored your wish."

Fitz cursed in his head.

"Is she happy?" He wanted to know. Maybe knowing that she was happy would make it easier.

"She is."

Fitz nodded his head and left the room. The tears were threatening to fall, and he didn't want his mother to see him cry. Knowing she was happy didn't make it easier. In fact, it made everything worse. He truly did want her to be happy. But, he wanted her happy with him. And, she had found her happiness with someone else.

* * *

Olivia took a deep breath and tried to calm her nerves.

Abby looked over at her. "You're going to be okay. It's just a conversation. You find out what happened, and finally close that chapter in your life."

"You're right," she said and nodded her head.

She glanced back at her daughter sleeping in the backseat. "I have a great life and I want to keep it that way."

"Let's go," Abby said. "I got Lil' Bit."

When they got to the backyard, she saw everyone, except Fitz. She was a little bit relieved, because she didn't know what she was going to say. Or if she was ready for what Fitz had to say.

"I'm surprised you're here," her mother said and hugged her.

"I just need some answers to put it behind me," Olivia told her.

"Just be careful. Guard your heart," Maya warned her.

Olivia nodded her head.

"Where are my grandbabies?"

"JJ went to work with Jonathan. Gabby's with Abby."

"Let me go find her and steal her away. Remember what I said," Maya warned again before she went to find Abby and Gabby.

"Okay."

Olivia decided to get some punch, but she thought better of it, thinking she didn't need the sugar. She wanted to be calm when she saw him. She looked around for some water, but didn't see any. She went inside and got a bottle out of the refrigerator.

"Hi."

His voice startled her, and she was relieved, because she didn't need it to hold her the way it used to when she loved him. And, she wondered if she still loved him. She knew she cared, but just how much. And, she knew that the pending conversation would help determine just how she felt about him. That was one reason why she was dreading and anticipating it. There were so many unanswered and unasked questions. She paused and took a deep breath before turning around. "Hello."

He lowered his eyes. "I guess I deserve that."

"You do."

"I'm surprised you're here," he admitted and stuffed his hands in his pockets. In fact, he thought he would never see her again, unless he just ran into her around town.

"Abby convinced me to come."

"I guess I should thank Abby," he said with a smile.

"I don't know about that."

Olivia played with the top on her water bottle and Fitz shifted from foot to foot. A silence that would have been comforting between them was suddenly awkward.

"Is there somewhere we can talk?" Olivia asked before the silence became too much.

"Yeah." Fitz led her to his bedroom and closed the door.

Olivia looked around and smiled. "Not much has changed in here."

"You know how sentimental my mom is."

"Yeah. I'm sure she's happy you're home."

"I guess."

"How long are you going to be home?"

"Your dad offered me a job in his office while I finish my degree," he told her, letting her know that he had no plans of leaving any time soon.

"Figures," Olivia mumbled. She just hoped she didn't run into him on campus.

"If you don't want me to do it-"

"I can't tell you how to live your life."

"How you feel matters to me."

"Does it?"

Once again an awkward silence fell over them before Olivia whispered, "Where were you? Why didn't I hear from you for ten years? Why did you just leave me like that?"

"The Navy. I joined the Navy," he told her.

She looked at him to continue. He had given her the where, but she was still waiting on the why.

"Fitz why?" She whispered again when he didn't give her an explanation.

He sat on the bed. "You know how messed up I was after William's accident."

"Fitz that wasn't your fault," she said and sat down beside him.

"I know that now. But, at the time, all I knew was that I was driving, my brother died, and I walked away. So, I had to get away. I kinda just drifted around for a while. A couple of months or so, before I met this Navy recruiter. He talked me into joining, which was exactly what I needed. I needed that discipline. It really helped me grow and mature. And, eventually let go of my guilt," he explained.

"I'm glad you were able to find peace with William's death. And your life." She paused. "But, what about us? Why did you let me go?"

"I didn't." He turned to her. "Livvie, you were the only thing that kept me going. I held you in my heart, foolishly thinking you were doing the same."

"Fitz, I had no idea what was going on. I didn't hear from you for years. What did you expect me to do? At some point, I had to go on with my life," she explained.

"Livvie, you told me on the day that I left that our love would last. That you were going to wait for me," he reminded her.

"That didn't mean go away, and stop communicating with me." She stood up. "If I had heard from you just once... I would have waited forever. I lived in a perpetual state of waiting. For you. To come back to me. To call me. To write me. To just let me know that you still loved me. And I got nothing," she told him.

"That's a lie," he exclaimed and stood up with her.

"How? You left on Christmas break and gave me a dozen sterling roses before you drove away. Do you know how painful that was? You're the reason why I hate Christmas now. And sterling roses. At one point, I even hated you. At least I told myself I did." She had told herself that she didn't care. That she was just curious and wanted some answers. But, the inflection and pain in her voice, let it be known that was a lie.

"Liv, I sent you letters for a year, and you never replied," he told her.

"What?" That was the first she heard about any letters. "That's a lie," she said.

"It's not." His voice was pleading for to believe him.

"Then, where are they? Because I never got a letter from you," he told her.

"I don't know. All I know is that I sent you letters." He took a step towards her. "Come on Livvie. You know I love you too much to just abandon you like that. I wrote to you. You know I did."

Olivia took a step back and a deep breath. She didn't know if she could actually believe him or not. Part of her wanted to. She wanted to believe that he didn't leave her and never tried to contact her again. And the other part didn't want to. If he didn't, then she could just leave the past where it belonged.

"That's why I don't talk about you with my mother. I asked her not to. I didn't want to know that you were just ignoring me and living your life."

"Then, why did you show up at my house, if you wrote me letters and I didn't write back? Why didn't you just let me go?" She wanted to know.

He shrugged. "I still had hope," he quietly confessed. "I still have hope. I love you too much not to have hope."

She looked up at him and quickly turned away. "Fitz, I love Jonathan."

"Do you?" She could feel him stepping closer to her.

"Fitz stop. You have to let me go," she whispered.

"How? You are the love of my life. How am I supposed to stop loving you? How am I supposed to stop loving you while you love someone else?" She could hear the tears in his voice and her heart broke for him.

"Livvie?" He placed his hands on her shoulders. "Look at me. Please."

She took a deep breath and turned to face him, but she refused to look in his eyes.

"Livvie?"

"Fitz, I can't."

He placed a finger under her chin and forced her to meet his gaze. They both felt her resistance start to crumble, and he took advantage of the moment. He cupped her face in his hands and eased his lips towards hers. But, he paused, waiting on her to make the next move. She placed her hands on the sides of his face and rubbed her fingers against his cheeks.

"I love you," he whispered his lips just inches from hers.

"Fitz, don't make me do this," she whispered.

"Livvie."

"Please Fitz. My daughter is here," she pleaded. Their lips still only a breath away from each other.

He took a deep breath and finally stepped away from her. She quickly turned on her heels and left.

* * *

"Yo Fitz," Harrison greeted Fitz with his hands in the air. He made it to the party late, which was expected. He made it to everything late. He preferred to make an entrance, rather than just arrive.

"Hey," Fitz barely acknowledged Harrison's presence as he greeted him.

"What's wrong with you? This is supposed to be a party."

Fitz looked at him and Harrison knew.

"She came?"

"But not before I showed up at her place yesterday and made a total ass of myself."

"Please tell me you did not blow up her spot," Harrison said.

"How was I supposed to know she was married? Nobody told me a damn thing."

"You asked us not you talk to you about her. So, we didn't. You can't have it both ways."

"That's messed up."

"Probably."

"What are you doing tonight," Fitz asked Harrison. He needed to get his mind off of Olivia.

"What do you want to do?"

"Get wasted. Drink my problems away."

"You need to get laid." Harrison said with a sly grin.

"True. But, the one woman I want in my bed is in another man's bed as his wife. What's he like?" He finally asked. "Do you know if he treats her right?"

"She's happy," Harrison told him. "Every time I've seen them together, she's had a smile on her face.

"That's good, I guess."

"Come on," Harrison said. "Let's get you drunk. And maybe a woman to help you forget about Olivia for the night."

"I just want the liquor," Fitz told him.

"Maybe."

* * *

"Are you ever going to tell me what happened?" Abby wanted to know. "You've been radio silent since we left. Where did Fitz disappear to?"

"The Navy," Olivia told her as she sautéed the vegetables for the pasta.

"That's it?" Abby said in disbelief. "He couldn't call or send a damn post card?"

"He says he did."

"What?"

"He says he wrote letters. But, I never got them. I don't know if he's lying or what," Olivia said with a shake of her head.

"Why would he lie? What could he gain by lying now?" Abby asked as she continued to mix the salad.

"He says he loves me. But, that's also why he wouldn't lie."

"Do you still love him?" Abby wanted to know.

Olivia looked off. "There was a moment today when I thought I did," she confessed. "I'm not so sure anymore."

"Liv," Abby began. Her voice held a serious warning.

"Don't worry," Olivia told her. "I love Jonathan. That much I do know. I love him and the life we have."

"Good," Abby said. "Because you two are relationship goals. If you can't make it, there's no hope for me and David."

"We have problems just like everyone else."

"Minor ones."

"Me not taking his last name is still a big one," Olivia told her.

"Your dad is the mayor. You're his only child. He wants you to keep his name. I don't see the problem."

"I think it's more of an ego thing than anything. But, I've been thinking about hyphenating. My dad will just have to deal. And we can go back to being picture perfect. At least for you. Besides, I'm pretty sure that's how Fitz...found...me..." She looked off with a look of realization on her face.

"What?"

"What if he sent the letters and my parents never gave them to me?"

"Why would they do that?" Abby wondered. "Your parents love Fitz," she reminded her.

"I know. My dad even offered him a job in his office while he finishes his degree," Olivia told her.

"So, he's staying?"

"He's staying."

By the time they were finishing up dinner, Jonathan had finally made it home with a sleeping JJ on his shoulder.

"Hey," Olivia greeted him with a kiss and rubbed her hand over JJ's hair.

"Hi Mommy," he whispered, sleepily.

"Hi baby," she greeted him as Jonathan turned around so she could see his face. "Are you hungry?" She rubbed his hair again. "Can you wake up enough to eat?"

"I ate work food," he said and Olivia smiled. Work food meant that the guys at work had shared their lunch with him.

"Okay. But, you gotta wake up a little bit so Daddy can bathe you. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Where's the boss lady?" Jonathan asked.

"Sleeping. She finally crashed from that sugar high her grandmother had her on."

"I better hurry up and bathe this one and put him down before he realizes he wants to be up."

"Wait. Come here." She stood on her tiptoes and placed a hand behind his head, pulling him down for a searing kiss.

"Hey. You two have company," Abby said with disgust.

They pulled away. "What was that for?" Jonathan asked with a smile.

"I love you," Olivia said. "Don't ever doubt that."

"Never my love," he said and kissed her again.

"Company," Abby piped up again.

* * *

Fitz woke up again with a pounding headache. He needed coffee and he needed it fast. Thankfully, he could smell it brewing. He opened his eyes and realized he was not at home. Was he so drunk that Harrison had to bring him home with him?

"Who's Livvie?" An unfamiliar female voice asked.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: The Love We Had

 _I've_ _been rememberin'_ _  
_ _The good times that we used to share_ _  
_ _My thoughts of you_ _don't have an endin'_ _  
_ _And memories of you are everywhere_

 _But why should I tell you? It's not your concern_ _  
_ _You win some, you lose some, I've lost and I've learned_ _  
_ _It's just that I'm so lonely with no place to turn_ _  
_ _And here at the end I'll find_

 _The love we had stays on my mind_ _  
_

Fitz quickly sat up and looked at the unknown woman. Even in his sleepy, hung-over haze he could tell she was a beautiful woman with brown hair and blue eyes.

"Andrea," she said as she passed him a cup of coffee.

"What?"

"My name is Andrea," she told him.

"Do you usually bring strange men home with you, Andrea?"

"No. But, you were with Harrison, and he assured me that you were okay. And, I know your name is Fitz. And, now you know that I'm Andrea. But, who is Livvie?" She asked as she sat in the chair adjacent to the couch that had served as his bed the night before.

"I really don't have time," Fitz said as he put the cup on the coffee table. He started looking around for his clothes.

"Actually, you do. Your clothes are in the dryer."

Fitz eyed her suspiciously. "Why are my clothes in the dryer?"

"You threw up on them. And, my favorite rug. After which I had to strip you and help you onto the couch. And, you are not a little man." She let her eyes drift down to his crotch. "Not at all."

Fitz followed her gaze and covered himself with his hands, even though a blanket was on him and he still had his boxers on.

"I took a peek," she admitted with a slight shrug of her shoulders. "I'm very disappointed the night didn't go the way I wanted it to. And, I'm sure the morning won't either, since you cried for Livvie the entire time you were asleep."

Fitz shook his head. "I'm sorry about...everything. But, I really don't want to get into this."

"Your clothes are in the dryer, and you threw up on my favorite rug. So, not only do you have time. You kinda owe me."

Fitz sat back and sighed. Why the hell not? She was constantly on his mind anyway. "The only woman I've ever loved," he told her.

"Ever?"

"Ever."

"Wow. You must have been high school sweethearts."

"Something like that. It was only for a little while, though. But, we've known each other our whole lives. And, we had no intention of ever being together, especially after our friends Harrison and Abby got together and then hated each other after breaking up. We all made a vow together that we would never date a friend again."

"Did you love each other then?"

"At the time, I thought it was just love for a friend. But, I did know that I loved her more than I loved Harrison or Abby. I thought it was just because I had known her longer." He smiled. "I still remember the day I met her."

 _All of their lives they had lived close to each other, but they didn't meet until they were six years old. They lived on different streets, in different neighborhoods, but they were basically behind each other. This was discovered after her dad had someone to cut down most of the trees behind their house because he wanted more room for a pool. And, there was this neighborhood neither knew existed. And, one day they ran into each other while she was trying to feed acorns to the squirrels._

" _Be careful," he called out from the tree he was sitting in. "My mom says they might have rabies."_

 _Olivia stopped when she heard his warning. "What's rabies," she wanted to know._

 _He jumped down from the tree. "I don't know. But, it's bad."_

" _Okay," Olivia said, taking his word for it. They both slowly walked closer to each other._

" _I'm Fitzgerald," he told her. "But, nobody calls me that, but my dad. Everyone else calls me Fitz."_

" _I'm Olivia," she offered. "But, no one calls me that, but my dad too. And my mama when I'm in trouble," she added. "You can call me Liv."_

" _Does this mean we're friends?" Fitz asked._

" _Yes," Olivia said and they shook hands. "Friends forever."_

"And, we were," he said, smiling at the memory. "I ended up changing schools from public to the private school she went to. It was great already having a friend there. But, she was mischievous as hell," he said with a smile. "Always getting us into some shit. And, each and every time, I would take the blame so that she wouldn't get in trouble," he chuckled a little as he thought about some of the trouble she had gotten them into. "I would be on lockdown at home, and she would always sneak into my window to keep me company. She never used the door. Even when I wasn't in trouble, she would sneak in through my window."

 _Fitz was busy putting his books in his backpack when he heard four soft knocks on his bedroom window. He smiled, opened it and helped Olivia climb in._

" _Hi."_

" _Hi." He noticed the mischievous twinkle in her eyes. "What are you up to?" He asked as he grabbed his backpack so they could leave for school._

" _Skip school with me," she said as she sat on his bed._

" _What?"_

" _Skip school with me," she repeated._

" _To do what?"_

" _Hang out," she said with a shrug. "We're going away to college soon. Let's just hang out and be kids for a day."_

 _He dropped his backpack on the floor. "Okay."_

 _His fourteen year old, little brother, William opened his door. "You ready? What's up, Liv?"_

" _Hey Will," Olivia greeted him._

" _We're not going," Fitz told him._

" _Cool. Can I stay home too?"_

" _No. Take your ass to school."_

" _I'm telling mom," William threatened, hoping to get Fitz to agree to let him stay home too._

" _Do it. And, I'll punch you so hard in the chest, your ribs will break," Fitz warned._

" _Alright. Jeez." William rubbed his chest as he walked out of the room, leaving the pair behind for the day._

 _Olivia stretched out on his bed, and that's where they spent most of the day, watching cartoons and pigging out on junk food._

" _I'm surprised you didn't call Randy to spend the day with you," Fitz commented._

" _No, you're not," Olivia said with a slight laugh._

" _What? You could be getting some right now."_

" _I'd rather not."_

 _Fitz stopped and stared at her with a cheese puff hanging out of his mouth._

" _What?" Olivia asked. She leaned over and bit part of the cheese puff that was hanging out of his mouth. Their lips touched for a brief second. Fitz played off the surprising spark he felt by quickly chewing the piece that was left in his mouth. And, she did the same._

" _I personally don't get all the hype around sex," Olivia continued._

" _He's obviously not doing it right," Fitz told her._

" _Whatever. I would rather have deep conversations with Randy," she said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Which he sucks at, by the way. He's so dumb," she exclaimed and dropped her head on the bed in frustration._

" _I told you he was just a dumb jock."_

" _Yeah. But, he's so damn fine."_

" _Livvie, who knew you could be so shallow?"_

" _You," she laughed. He knew her better than anyone else. And, he knew she had a thing for pretty boys, which he often teased her about._

" _Seriously Liv, what kind of boyfriend is that? He sucks at sex. He's dumb as a brick. You have a better relationship with me."_

" _So, you don't suck at sex?" she teased._

" _Not even on my worst day."_

 _Olivia laughed. "Is that why you got so many girls and grown ass women chasing you?"_

 _Fitz grinned. "Yep. Gotta keep 'em coming back for more. And, this good looks don't hurt either."_

 _Olivia rolled her eyes. "Wait. You don't let them come in the window, do you?" She exclaimed. "Oh my god. It's tainted."_

" _Calm down. No one has climbed in or out of your window. It's only for you."_

 _She laid her head on his shoulder. "You do love me."_

" _More than you'll ever know."_

" _I wish you were coming to Vanderbilt with me," she whined._

" _Me too," Fitz said. "But, UWA offered me a scholarship."_

" _Me too," Olivia said. Although they were known to sometimes be troublemakers, they were both scholar students. They had both been accepted to Vanderbilt and both had been offered scholarships to UWA. But, Olivia had been taught that Vanderbilt was her destiny all of her life. It was a family legacy on both sides. Her parents didn't even know she had applied to UWA._

" _Maybe I should go to UWA with you."_

" _No, you shouldn't," Fitz told her. "You've wanted to go to Vandy all of your life."_

" _My mom and dad have wanted me to go to Vandy all of my life. You've been my best friend all of my life. What am I going to do without you?' She whined._

" _We'll see each other on breaks." He offered a comforting kiss to her forehead._

" _I guess," Olivia said. "Okay. I'm sad now. I need candy," she said and grabbed a giant rainbow swirl lollipop out of her bag. "Come on," she said as she unwrapped it. "You remember how we used to do this." It used to be their favorite candy, and they had their own special way of eating it. She couldn't remember when or how they even started it. It was just their thing that their parents had deemed as the most disgusting thing ever. She held the lollipop between the two of them. Fitz wrapped his hand around hers, and they both licked their respective sides, laughing as they reminisced about eating the candy as small kids. Their tongues touched on the top of the lollipop and the world stopped spinning for a moment. They both stopped and stared at each other. Fitz slowly moved the candy away from their faces as his eyes moved from her eyes to her lips. He tentatively moved his head towards hers, and gently kissed her._

 _Olivia pulled away, her eyes wide with shock. She touched her lips. "You kissed me," she exclaimed._

" _I know. I'm-" He started his apology. But, he realized he wasn't sorry. He realized he had wanted to do that for a long time. And, it felt amazing. But, at the same time, he didn't want to risk their friendship._

" _Can you do it again?" She whispered. Her eyes met his again, and there was a tentative look of longing that made his heart thud in his chest._

 _Fitz placed the candy on a paper towel and moved closer to her. He watched as she nervously tucked her hair behind her ear. He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her again. They continuously pressed their lips together until Olivia parted her lips. Fitz took the invitation and slipped his tongue in._

 _Olivia couldn't explain what was happening, but she was overwhelmed with so many emotions, she thought her heart might burst through her chest. She had never kissed the way she and Fitz were kissing. The kiss turned into a full make out session. Neither could explain what they were feeling. It was almost as if they were floating. They knew they had never felt what they were feeling before, and it was a feeling that neither wanted to end. They continued to make out, until it was no longer enough, and Olivia finally found out what all the hype was about with sex as she experienced her first orgasm._

" _So, does this mean we're together?" Fitz asked as he hovered over her._

 _Olivia smiled and ran a hand through his hair. "What do you think? Of course this means you have to get rid of all of your hoes."_

 _Fitz smiled. "Done. You gotta get rid of punk ass Randy."_

 _She smiled. "Done." She paused. "But, what about Abby and Harrison? We all made that promise together."_

 _He laid down beside her and pulled her to him in an embrace. "After they got together," he pointed out. "If they got to experience being together, why can't we? Besides, I don't feel like this is any old relationship. It just feels right. We're never going to break up to hate each other," he said with confidence._

" _You're right." She kissed him and ran her fingers through his hair once more. Blushing, she asked, "Can we do it again?"_

 _Fitz grinned. "Yeah."_

"And, we were inseparable from that moment on. Well, up until I left for ten years to find myself, and she married someone else."

"I'm sorry," Andrea offered.

"I never should have left," Fitz said. "I told myself I was leaving to sort things out, but the truth is I was running. From what I had done. Memories. The hurt and sadness in my mother's eyes. I should have stayed and worked that shit out." He sighed. "One decision changed the whole trajectory of my life. Just one."

The dryer buzzed, and Andrea got up to get his clothes.

"I'm sorry about everything," Fitz apologized when she gave him his clothes.

"No. I'm sorry. I hope everything works out between you and your Livvie. Don't give up."

/

He was the first person Olivia saw when she walked in her classroom. It was like her heart knew he was there, and directed her eyes to him. He instantly got up and walked to her with his slip for her to sign to add him to her class.

"Really," she whispered through clenched teeth.

"I'm a week behind. I need someone who might take that into consideration," he told her. "This has nothing to do with us."

"Fine." She signed his form. "Come to my office after class and I'll give you the info you've missed," she told him.

"Thank you."

After class, Fitz followed her to her office like she had instructed. "I never imagined you as a professor. You're supposed to be commandeering a courtroom," he told her. "But, you're good."

"I was horrible today," she said with a light laugh. She couldn't concentrate. And, he was the reason why. She didn't know how she was going to do this for the whole semester. "But, usually, yes I am good. And tough," she added. "At the beginning of the semester, my students hate me. But, by the end of it, they love me."

"How does your dad feel about you not going into law and following in his footsteps?"

She smiled. "That PhD that made me Dr. Pope helped him get over it."

"Like he got over the Vandy thing," Fitz added.

"He never got over the Vandy thing," Olivia clarified.

"I'm sorry about that," Fitz offered.

"Why? I did what I wanted."

"But, you bailed on Vanderbilt and came here to UWA because of me."

"Us," Olivia clarified. "Lot of good that did, though," she said under her breath. She printed off the papers on her computer and passed them to Fitz. "The notes and assignments you missed."

"Thank you." He flipped through the papers. "You weren't lying. You are tough. This much work in the beginning of the semester?"

"You can handle it," she said with a smile.

"I'm sure," he agreed. "But damn."

She smiled. In that moment, she realized how much she had missed talking to him. She had missed her best friend.

"You'll love me by the end of the semester."

"I'm in love with you now."

"Fitz." They did not need to go down this road. "Don't do this. Why can't we just go back to being friends?" She asked. "We were friends longer than we were a couple. Why do we have to lose that too?"

"Because that friendship is the reason why became lovers. And you know we loved each other with too much intensity to even pretend that a friendship would work again."

She got up and started gathering her things. "It could. You just don't want it to."

"You're right," he said, standing. "What I want is you." He started walking towards her. She took a step back.

"Us." He continued to walk towards her as she continued to take steps back until her back was against the wall. "To be able to do this," he said and took her hand in his, feeling only what he felt when he touched her.

She tensed up the moment he touched her. She suddenly had butterflies in her stomach as if she was a teen again. She licked her lips and tried to shake herself free to regain control of the situation.

"Look at me, Livvie," he whispered.

She shook her head.

With his free hand, he caressed her cheek and then tilted her head up until their eyes met.

"You feel it too," he said. And, that's why she didn't want to look at him. He knew her better than anyone. All it took was one look in her eyes. She knew he saw the desire and longing that she was trying to fight and hide. That he could see her resolve crumbling as she started to give in to her feelings.

Her eyes drifted from his eyes to his lips. She didn't know who kissed who first; she just knew that her lips were pressed to his. And the familiarity she felt could not be explained. It was as if his lips still belonged to her. She felt his tongue against her lips and parted them. When he slipped his tongue inside, she wrapped her arms around his neck, melding her body into his. It was as if the years hadn't passed. They might as well have been eighteen years old again, kissing in a dorm room. He kissed his way to her neck, and she arched it, giving him better access. He slipped the straps to her sundress from her shoulders and immediately started kissing her shoulders. When he kissed the swell of her breasts and moved his hands up to cup them, she was jolted back to reality and reminded of her family as pushed him away. Her breasts hadn't been touched like that since she'd started breast-feeding Gabby.

She pulled the straps to her dress back up. "That shouldn't have happened," she whispered.

"Yes, it should have," Fitz argued. "Livvie, I love you."

"Fitz, I'm married."

"Are you still in love with me?"

She paused and looked at him as tears filled her eyes. That question hurt so much, and she couldn't verbalize her answer. She just couldn't put it out there. "At this point, it's doesn't matter. I'm married to Jonathan," she said quietly.

Fitz nodded and moved away. He picked up the papers off of her desk. "I'll see you in class," he said and left her office.

/

"I can't go home," Olivia mumbled to herself as she drove home. "He's going to know. He's going to look at me and just know. What am I going to do?"

She needed some advice. So, she called Abby.

"Call you back later," Abby answered. "I'm cursing out David." She hung up just as quickly as she answered.

"Shit," Olivia exclaimed.

How did she let this happen? She couldn't help but think back over the night and how everything went left. It all started the moment she stepped in her classroom and saw him. And then she was stupid enough to invite him to her office alone. She never should have closed the door. If she had left the door open, she would have been fine. She wouldn't have crumbled under his gaze and the gentle touch of his hand. She wouldn't have been reminded of their love and love making, nor wanted it, if only but for a moment. They should have just kept talking about her being a professor and her not going to Vanderbilt. She suddenly had a moment of realization and stopped, literally stopped in the middle of the road and made a quick u-turn and went to her parents' house.

When they got home, she was sitting on the couch in the living room waiting for them.

"Hey," her parents greeted her.

"Where's my son-in-law and grandchildren?" Eli asked.

She held up the box of letters.

"What's that?" Maya wanted to know.

"Letters from Fitz," Olivia told her. "I found them in Daddy's office, locked away in drawer."

"Eli," Maya exclaimed.

"Why Daddy?" Olivia asked with tears in her eyes. "All this time, I thought he just left me. But, he didn't. He wrote me," she said as tears fell from her eyes. "And, you hid it from me. Why? You saw how hurt I was. You saw me cry because I hadn't heard from him. You saw all of this, and you could have stopped it, but you didn't. What kind of father does that? You let me hurt," she cried.

"Because he wasn't shit," Eli yelled.

"Wh...what?" All this time, she thought her father liked Fitz. He even said that he was glad she was with Fitz when they found out she and Fitz were together.

"He stood in the way of your dreams and you just let him. If he was any kind of man, he wouldn't have asked you not to go to Vanderbilt."

"I don't believe this. That's what this is about? Vanderbilt?" She exclaimed. "You watched me cry for weeks. Months. Hell, years because I decided not go to the school you wanted me to go to? I'll have you know that Fitz tried to talk me out of going to UWA. But, I made that decision."

"All I know is that you would have gone to the school you were supposed to go to, and would be practicing law, if you two hasn't started dating."

"You're right. But, I chose to go to UWA with Fitz. _I_ made that choice. But, you chose to meddle in my life. Daddy, you let me hurt and cry when I didn't have to. How could you do that to me?"

"He was never worth a damn. He stayed in some shit," Eli reminded her.

Olivia laughed bitterly. "I got him in trouble. All those times he was caught doing something he shouldn't have been doing, it was my idea. And, I was always there with him, doing the exact same thing he was caught doing. But, he covered for me and took the blame so that I wouldn't get in trouble. And, that makes him more of a man than you'll ever be. And, I don't get you," she added. "Why did you offer him a job, if you hate him so much?"

"I can keep an eye on him, if he's close by. Keep him from ruining your life any more than he already has," he explained.

" _You_ ruined my life," she countered.

He pointed at a photo of her with Jonathan and their kids. "Does this look like a ruined life to you?"

Olivia looked at the picture of her with her husband and their babies. They were her life. But, she knew they wouldn't be if her father hadn't hid Fitz's letters from her. If he had given her the letters, there was no doubt she would be living the life she imagined the moment they started dating. He changed the course of her life. And, she felt so conflicted.

She wiped her eyes and turned to Maya. "Mama, if you want to see your grandchildren, you're going to have to come to us. I'm not coming here anymore. I can't. And, you," she turned to her father, "are no longer welcome in my home."

"And, what are you going to tell Jonathan when he asks why he never sees me anymore? Maybe I'll tell him that you're spreading your legs for Fitz again."

"Eli," Maya exclaimed. "What the hell is wrong with you? That's our daughter. Don't speak to her like that."

"It's okay Mama." She turned to Eli. "Stay the hell away from me and my family."

/

Olivia sat in her car, with tears streaming down her face, reading the letters from Fitz. She didn't know where to start, so she grabbed the one at the very bottom, guessing that would be the first one.

 _My Dearest Livvie,_

 _I love you. I will never get tired of saying that. And, knowing that you love me is the one joy in my life right now. I'm so sorry I left. But, I had to. I'm just not in a place to give you all of me. And, you deserve all of me. I'm so hurt and broken right now. I miss my brother so much. And, if it wasn't for me, he would still be here. I messed up so bad. How can I ever look my mother in her eyes again? I took her baby boy away from her. Please tell her I'm sorry. I truly didn't mean it._

 _This letter wasn't supposed to turn out like this. I was intending to just write and say I love you. Thank you for loving me through this. You don't know how much it meant to hear you say you will wait for me. That our love is worth waiting for. It is. I promise. I'll show you when I come back. You can write to me at this address. The guy who owns this hotel is going to let me work for my room and food. So, I guess I'll be here for a while._

 _Love you forever,_

 _Fitz_

As the letters went on, they became desperate pleas for her to please write back, begging her to let him know that he wasn't alone and she still loved him. She skipped around, knowing she couldn't read them all. She read the last letter and her heart broke for him. The last line was so simple, but it made her break down sobbing and cemented her hate for her father.

 _Even if you don't want to be my girl, anymore, can I at least have my friend back?_

He was right when he said they would never be able to just be friends. She wasn't so sure he felt that way when he wrote that. She knew his letter and request was sincere. He was hurting and needed her in his life in any way possible.

She thought about the tears she had cried, thinking he had just abandoned her. And, he had obviously done the same. Both of their lives had changed from that moment that her father decided that he wouldn't give her Fitz's letters. She undoubtedly had a good life with Jonathan, but she knew that wasn't the life she was supposed to have. It pained her to even think that, because she loved him and their children, but it was true. If her father hadn't meddled in her life, she and Fitz would be together.

/

Fitz was sure he was hearing things, but when he heard the four light taps again, he knew that he wasn't. He pulled up the blinds and saw Olivia standing outside his window. He quickly opened it to let her in.

"Hi," she whispered.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: My All

 _I am thinking of you_

 _In my sleepless solitude tonight_

 _If it's wrong to love you_

 _Then my heart just won't let me be right_

 _'Cause I've drowned in you_

 _And I won't pull through_

 _Without you by my side_

 _I'd give my all to have_

 _Just one more night with you_

 _I'd risk my life to feel_

 _Your body next to mine_

 _'Cause I can't go on_

 _Living in the memory of our song_

 _I'd give my all for your love tonight_

From the moment he looked at her, Fitz could tell she had been crying. "Are you okay?" He asked.

She shook her head no, held up a box, and let the contents spill onto his bed.

"What's that?" He asked.

"Your letters," she said as she wiped tears from her eyes.

Fitz looked at the letters on his bed. "I don't understand. I thought...I thought you didn't get them." He picked up one of the letters and looked at it.

"My dad. He kept them from me," she sobbed. She covered her mouth with her hand and dropped her head to his chest. "He kept you from me."

Fitz instinctively wrapped his arms around her, held her close to him, and just rubbed her back while she cried. He wanted to tell her that everything was going to be okay. But, he knew her. She hated when someone did that while she was crying. She wanted to get her tears out, while being comforted in silence.

When she stopped crying, Fitz got a Kleenex to wipe her tears away. She reached for it, but he cupped her face in one of his hands and gently wiped her tears away with the other one.

"I'm sorry," she apologized. "I shouldn't have come to your window, but I didn't want to wake your mom, and we really need to talk."

"It's okay," Fitz assured her. "My mom's at work."

"Okay." She looked back at the letters she had dumped on the bed. "Can we talk about this?"

"Um...sure."

He held out his hand for her to sit on the bed and then joined her. "What about it do you want to talk about?"

She sniffed. "I'm not sure. Why did you send them to my parents, instead of my dorm?"

"I wanted to make sure you got them. Remember, it was Christmas break, and you were thinking about moving to a new dorm because you hated your roommate," he reminded her.

Olivia laughed. "Oh yeah. Quinn. It was more about her hating us. She said we disgusted her. We made out too much."

Fitz laughed. "We did make out a lot. I guess she was right."

"We did. But, our love was beautiful. Not disgusting."

"You're right."

"But, she was there for me after you left," Olivia said.

"I missed you. I never should have left."

"But, you did."

"And, you got married."

"Well, not immediately," she pointed out. "There was time for you to come back."

"Since you weren't writing back, I figured you hated me. I didn't want to come back, look in your eyes and see that," he explained.

"I could never hate you. And I tried. God knows I tried."

Fitz picked up the box and a handful of letters. "I don't understand," Fitz began. "Why did your dad keep my letters? I thought he liked me."

"Vanderbilt," Olivia simply stated. "He thinks you talked me out of going."

"Wow." He said as he placed the letters back in the box. "Did you read them?"

"Some. It hurt."

He simply nodded as he put the lid on the box. "I can't believe your dad did that."

"He ruined my life. Our life," she said, gazing at him. "We're supposed to be married with kids."

She was right. Every time he looked in her eyes, he saw the life they were supposed to have. Even when they were kids, they always imagined that they would always be a part of each other's life. And, it was taken from them. "We missed so many years together. What were you doing while I was gone? Paint me a picture," he told her.

"I cried so much at first. There's no way I would have survived that semester without Quinn. She had purposefully signed up for evening classes so she wouldn't have to deal with us making out all of the time. So she went to my classes for me for a couple of days. Then she pulled me out of bed and forced me to go to class. I soon realized that the work helped me keep my mind off missing you. So, I threw myself into it. However, it's not like I stopped missing you totally. Christmas was the worst. A part of me always feared that you had died. That was the only way I could explain not hearing from you. So, I would always ask your mom if she had talked to you. She would look at me with such pity and say, "Honey, he's fine." I just knew that you didn't love me anymore and she didn't have the heart to tell me."

"I never stopped loving you."

"I know that now. But, Christmas break was always hard for me. It's gotten better. It was Christmas break when I met Jonathan at my dad's office."

"He set y'all up?"

"No. We just met. He was there for a job or something."

"Oh. Go on."

"You want to know about Jonathan and me?" She couldn't hide the shock in her voice if she wanted to.

He shrugged. "He's part of what happened while I was gone."

"There's nothing to tell. We met. He asked me out. He was a nice guy who helped me push you to the back of my mind, and eventually bury the love I had for you. It freed me up enough to love him and build a life with him. We got married and had two beautiful kids." She paused and looked away. "He's a good guy," she said, quietly. "Too good."

He placed a hand on her cheek and turned her face back to his. "There's no such thing. Not for you. You deserve the best."

"You were the best. You knew me better than anyone else, even Abby."

"Does Abby like him? I know that's always been important to you." Abby's unfiltered opinion had kept her from starting relationships with a couple of pretty boy assholes.

"Abby's the president of the Jonathan fan club," Olivia told him.

"Ouch," Fitz joked. "Where's the loyalty?"

Olivia smiled. "You were also on her hit list at one point."

"Dang." He smiled. "Do you remember that Spring Break trip we took before our parents found out about us, and we found out she and Harrison were still together?"

"Well, not together. To quote Abby, she and Harrison were just fucking."

"She was right," Fitz laughed. "They were like rabbits."

Olivia laughed along. "We weren't much better," she reminded him.

Fitz laid back on the bed with his hands behind his head. "I still can't believe our parents let us stay at your folks' beach house unsupervised."

Olivia laid down beside him with her head propped up on her hand. "Well, they said we were going to be off on our own in a couple of months, anyway. And, they thought we were just a group of friends. They didn't know about us yet. And, nobody knew about Abby and Harrison."

"Definitely the shock of the week, considering how hostile they were after they broke up."

Olivia smiled. "Do you remember when our parents did find out about us?"

"How can I forget?"

 _Olivia was kissing a half-naked Fitz when the door to his room opened and his mother walked in._

" _Fitzgerald," she shrieked._

 _Olivia jumped from his lap and crossed her arms in front of her. She still had her shirt on, but all of the buttons were undone._

" _Olivia," she exclaimed in disbelief._

 _Olivia just stared at the floor._

" _What in the...How long has this been going on?"_

" _Couple of months," Fitz said and picked his shirt up off the floor and put it on._

" _How long is a couple of months?"_

" _Since before Christmas," Fitz admitted._

" _How long before?"_

" _September," he mumbled, but she heard him._

" _It's April," she exclaimed. "You've been together the whole school year, and we had no idea."_

 _Fitz looked at Olivia. It had been her idea not to tell their parents. He wanted to tell the world. But, she had said as best friends they had unlimited access to each other, but the minute their parents found out they were a couple, they were going to shut that down._

" _I'm guessing from the lack of clothes that you're doing more than just kissing," she stated._

 _Neither of the teens said anything._

" _Are you using protection?"_

 _Fitz nodded his head. "Yeah."_

" _Olivia, I'm guessing your parents don't know about this."_

 _Olivia shook her head no and continued to stare at nothing in particular on the floor._

" _Well, they're about to." She turned to leave. "And, the door stays open."_

 _Fitz walked over to Olivia. "You okay?"_

" _Fitz, this is so embarrassing," she said. Her eyes were full of tears._

" _I know," he said, and started buttoning up her shirt. "So, how are we going to do this now?" Fitz wondered. "I don't know if I can deal with not being able to be together whenever we want."_

" _They don't know I come in your window," Olivia pointed out._

" _They don't," Fitz said._

" _But, my parents are probably going to ground me until I graduate from law school."_

" _Probably not. Let's just wait and see."_

 _Soon after, they were sitting in the living room being reprimanded by her parents._

" _I can't believe you would take advantage of our trust like that," her mother chided._

 _Olivia looked down at her hands._

" _Look at your mother when she's talking to you," her father demanded._

 _Her head shot up and she tried to look at her mother, but she couldn't bear to look her in the eyes._

" _From now on," her mother continued. "Fitz is no longer allowed in your bedroom."_

" _But, mom, what about when we do homework?"_

" _Kitchen."_

 _Olivia slumped in her chair. "I can't even kiss him now. You guys are going to be hovering."_

" _Don't push it."_

" _Well, you are. I had more freedom with Randy," Olivia grumbled._

" _She's right," Eli agreed. "Okay. Bedroom, but with the door open."_

" _Thanks Daddy."_

" _And Fitz, it may not seem like it right now, but I'm glad it's you. You've been her best friend forever, so I know you love her."_

" _I do, sir."_

They spent the rest of the night, reminiscing, being the friends they had always been since the day they met on that fateful spring day.

"I missed this," Olivia admitted in the middle of laughing at how they had pranked the principal, and managed to get the whole senior class in trouble.

"What?" Fitz asked. He knew, but he needed to hear her say it.

"This. Us." She moved her hand to his cheek and closed her eyes, instantly changing the mood in the room. "God, I missed you." She opened her eyes and gazed in his. "I still miss you," she whispered.

He closed his eyes and reveled in her touch. Her truth. She reached up with her free hand and rubbed her fingers across his brow. He opened his eyes and gazed in hers.

"Kiss me," she whispered.

He placed a hand on either side of her face and gently caressed her before slowly pressing his lips against hers, enjoying the feel of her lips against his again, and the want and need in her kiss as she slowly parted her lips and allowed their tongues to touch and explore.

She guided her hands down his torso, gently stroking his pecs and abs through the material of his shirt, before she took the hem in her hands to pull it off him when he grabbed her hands.

"Liv? Are you-"

She cut him off. "Don't make me think. Just be here in this moment with me. Please. Let us have tonight."

"I just don't want you to have any regrets."

With her lips close to his, she whispered, "I could never regret you."

He released her hands and allowed her to pull his shirt over his head. He took the straps to her sundress between his fingers and slid them from her shoulders, with his fingers gently caressing her skin. The dress bunched at her waist and his hands moved back to her face, pulling her in for another gentle kiss that quickly turned into urgent, frantic kisses.

Olivia placed a hand on his chest and pushed away. "Wait," she said as she caught her breath.

He knew this was going to happen. He should have stopped it in the beginning, before he started allowing himself to believe that they would be together again. Imagining how it would be to be inside her again. "I'm sorry," he said, reaching for her dress to pull it back up her body.

She placed her hands on his. "Fitz, I don't want to stop. I just want to go slow."

He let out a breath and ran his hand through his hair. "Okay. I can do slow."

She pushed the dress from her body and moved back on the bed. Her body trembled in anticipation of being with him again.

He stood up and removed his boxers. She looked him over and smirked.

"What?" Fitz asked, noticing her expression.

"The navy was good to you." She bit her lip as she took in his muscular body. He used to be slim with some muscle definition, but now he was all muscles. He had a definite six-pack, sculpted chest muscles, and strong biceps. He even had thigh muscles that were flexing as he walked.

He grinned. "I guess it was."

He joined her on the bed, sat beside her, and just gazed at her for a moment. He brushed her hair from her face. "I love you," he said, softly. She smiled and responded with a deep passionate kiss as their lips and tongues moved in harmony with each other. Fitz trailed kisses to her neck. He smiled to himself when his lips found that spot just below her ear that always caused her to grab his head and whimper. He continued to shower her body with caresses and kisses, making his way to her waist as he caught the edge of her panties between his teeth and pulled them down her legs. He kissed his way back up her body until his lips was against her slick folds. She cried out in pleasure as he placed kisses against her wet flesh. She whimpered and breathed his name as he moved his tongue and lips against her, teasing and tasting her until she was writhing beneath him in pure ecstasy. Sitting up, he quickly grabbed a condom out of his wallet that was on the bedside table. She watched as he opened it and swiftly rolled it over his erection.

He moved over her and kissed her again, stroking his tongue against hers. She wrapped her arms and legs around him, running a hand down his back as she marveled at his back muscles flexing underneath her fingertips.

She felt him tease her entrance before gently slipping inside her. Her breath caught and a wave of emotions washed over her and tears fell with every glorious inch he gave her. When he was fully inside her, he paused, taking a moment to fully appreciate being with her again. That's when he saw the tears.

"Liv?"

"Don't ever leave me again," she whispered through her tears.

He leaned down and softly kissed her as he moved inside her with deliciously slow strokes. He kissed her tears and assured her that he would never leave her again as their joined bodies danced in the moonlight. The tempo of his strokes began to increase as he pumped harder and faster until they both came hard with her crying out his name as she trembled beneath him.

As he hovered over her, Fitz smiled and whispered, "Does this mean that we're together now?"

He expected her to laugh, but her body stiffened.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "It was a joke, but now I realize it was a bad one," he said as he rolled off her. He removed the condom and dropped it in the trashcan by his bed. When he turned back over, Olivia was looking at him.

"I know it was a joke, but we do need to figure out what this means for us. Where do we go from here," she told him. "And, I want us to figure it out together."

"Okay," Fitz agreed.

They had been talking for hours when Fitz's phone rang. "Who's calling so late?" He wondered.

"Or early," Olivia noted the sun rising outside his window.

"Hello?" He answered and then quickly passed the phone to Olivia.

"Hello?" She answered timidly.

"What the hell, Liv?" Abby began. "How are you going to cheat on your husband and not let me know that I need to cover for you? I'm parked behind your car," Abby continued, not giving her a chance to answer. "Get dressed and get your ass out here."

Once she was in her car, Olivia called Abby who was trailing behind her. "How did you know where to find me?"

"Well, after my call went straight to voicemail, and your husband called wanting to know if I had talked to you, I put two and two together."

"What did you tell him?" Olivia wondered.

"That you were with me, and I needed my best friend to myself for a little while. And, because he's Jonathan and the best husband ever, he-"

"Abby stop," Olivia cut her off. "I know this. It may not seem like it, but I feel bad. I do. But...please don't judge me."

She heard Abby sigh loudly. "I'm sorry. I can't imagine what it's like to be reunited with a lost love, and be in love with two people at the same time."

"I'm pretty certain I love two, but I'm only in love with one. Fitz and I needed to talk about that. That's what tonight was about," she explained.

"So you didn't sleep with him?"

"I didn't say that."

"Liv."

"I wasn't planning to. My plan was to talk to him and then go home. But, while I was there, I realized what I've been denying since he came back. I missed him. And, I wanted to be with him at least once. I needed to be with him," Olivia told her.

"Okay."

"Can you do me a favor, though? Can you take the kids somewhere so I can talk to Jonathan?"

"Liv, are you about to break up our happy home?" Abby wanted to know.

"I just need to talk to my husband."

"Okay."

When she got home, Abby gathered the kids up to take them out for breakfast.

"Do you have enough milk?" Olivia asked. As if she didn't feel bad enough for missing bedtime with them, she was also about to miss breakfast with her kids. But, there was something she needed to ask Jonathan, and she wasn't sure how she was going to respond to his answer. And, she didn't want the kids around if things got out of hand.

"Yeah. She's good," Abby told her.

"Is she okay?" Jonathan asked after they left.

"Yeah."

"What about you? Why didn't you check in?" He wanted to know.

"Um...Abby was so upset, I...um...I was just focused on her." She was surprised the lie came so easily.

"Just try to remember to check in, if it happens again," he told her.

"Of course," she said. "We need to talk," she told him.

"What's wrong?" He took her hand in his and led her to the couch.

"I'm going to ask you something and I need you to be completely honest," she began.

"Always," he assured her.

"The day we met at my father's office, was that purely coincidental?" Fitz's question of her father setting them up lingered in her mind. And she realized if he could willingly cause her pain with no remorse, then he was capable of anything. But, she was almost certain that Jonathan was innocent. She just needed to know for her own peace of mind.

"No," he admitted.

"What?" Even though she had sent the kids with Abby, in case that was his answer, she still wasn't prepared for it to be his answer.

"I was vying for the city contract job, and your father told me if I took you out and made you forget about some ex, the job would be mine," he said quietly.

"So, he sold me to you," she said with disgust, realizing she never really knew her father. Or her husband for that matter.

"Babe, please don't look at it like that," he begged. He reached for her hands, but she snatched them away and got up from the couch.

"I feel like my whole life has been a lie. And I'm just some pawn in my father's plan to control my life." She looked at him. "But, I never expected you to have a hand in it too."

He stood in front of her. "Liv, please let me explain. I agreed because I needed the job, but what I felt for you from that moment was real. And, I promise you that even without his influence, I would have asked you out anyway. You were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. You still are. And, there's no way I would have walked out of that office without asking you out," he said, trying to get her to understand.

"We made vows to each other, Jonathan. Vows that had honesty in them, and you've been lying this entire time." Even she realized how absurd it was that she had brought their vows up when she had just shot them straight to hell. And intended to continue to do so.

"I know and I'm sorry. I didn't see the point in mentioning it. Just think about it. In all the years that we've been together, have I ever given you any reason to doubt my love for you? You have to know how much I love you. That has always been true."

She was silent for a moment.

"Please tell me you believe me," he begged.

"I do," she said, because she did. He was a horrible liar. He couldn't look at her when he lied, and at that moment, he was looking her dead in her eyes.

He breathed an audible sigh of relief and reached for her hands again.

But, she kept them at her sides, looked at him and said, "I cheated on you."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Hurt You

 _I, I apologize  
Oh, baby, the pain I put you through  
What I did to you  
Oh, I made you cry_

 _God knows I never meant to hurt you_  
 _I never meant to break your heart, your heart, babe_  
 _God knows I never meant to turn you on, turn you out_  
 _Never meant to take it that far, that far, babe_

Everything went quiet and still, but restless for just a moment, until Jonathan's shaky uncertain voice broke through the tension.

"What? What are you talking about?" He asked.

Olivia took a step back. This wasn't what she and Fitz had planned. They had agreed that they would continue to see each other, because neither one of them could handle the idea of never being together again. Therefore, they decided that they would find ways to be together. Ways that wouldn't make her feel like a horrible mom. But, as she stood there looking at Jonathan, she just couldn't go along with that plan anymore. She just hoped that Fitz would understand. "I slept with someone else. Last night. I wasn't with Abby," she confessed.

He chuckled nervously. "What? You're kidding me, right?"

She shook her head. "I'm so sorry."

"What the fuck, Liv," he exclaimed. "Why? Why? Just tell me why. What did I do?"

She bit her lip. "You didn't do anything."

"Who is he?"

"Jonathan, that's not -"

"Who?" He yelled.

She flinched. "Fitz."

"Your childhood friend?" He laughed bitterly. "Why? Why him? And, don't tell me it just happened. These things don't just happen."

"We aren't just childhood friends. We were childhood sweethearts. He's the ex my dad wanted you to help me get over," she tried to explain.

He was quiet for a moment as he regarded her. He started pacing and then turned to her. "So, you were confused, and thought you still had feelings for him." He sat down on the arm of the couch. "We can move past this. It's going to take some time, but we can work it out."

"I don't want to work it out," she started. She choked back tears as she realized what she wanted, what she was about to tell the man she had shared and built a life with. "I...I want a divorce," she said as tears spilled onto her cheeks.

"A divorce," he exclaimed. He jumped up from the couch. "Are you fucking kidding me?" He yelled. "You want to throw away six years of marriage because you think you might have feelings for an old boyfriend. Have you lost your mind?" He bellowed.

She wiped at her tears. She didn't have answers for him. She just knew that she was in love with Fitz.

"You come home, tell me you fucked another man, and you want a divorce. You can't do this Liv."

"Jonathan-"

"You're acting like we don't have two kids," he began. His voice suddenly lower. "And a life together." He started crying. "We're not just dating. You can't just decide you want out."

"Jonathan, I'm sorry."

"What about our kids?"

"They're young. They'll adjust." God, she hoped that was true. She was about to upend their lives because she finally stopped fighting against her heart and realized that she was in love with someone else. Was it worth it? Should she stay and work it out for them? No, she quickly decided. She couldn't raise her kids to be true to themselves, if she wasn't also doing it.

"Adjust? You think JJ will adjust to not seeing me every day? Liv, you can't ask me not to be with my family. You. Our kids. Don't ask me to do that," he sobbed. "Please."

Her heart broke for him. He was in love with her. She just didn't share those feelings. She loved him. It was hard not to. He had been the ideal husband. Her feelings for him just weren't as strong his feelings for her.

She knew this wasn't going to be easy. But, she didn't expect him the break down crying. She expected the disbelief and anger. But, not the crying. Hell, she didn't even expect to cry herself. But, here she was with tears and a runny nose, the whole nine, mourning the end of her marriage.

"You're being selfish. We have a family. And, you want to separate us. I'm willing to work past this. We can go to therapy or something. Whatever it takes. Don't throw away everything we've built for an old flame. Please. Don't do this to us."

A part of her knew he was right. She was being selfish. But, she just she had to take control of her life again. She wasn't going to let her father's decisions and actions dictate her life any more. "He's not just some old flame. I love him. I'm in love with him. And, I have been since I was six years old," she tried to explain. "I lost him once, I'm not losing him again."

"But, you can lose me. And, everything that we have. Was the sex that good? So good that you're willing to throw away what we have and fuck up our kids' lives?"

"This isn't just about sex. I'm in love with him," she tried again.

"Yesterday, you were in love with me."

"I love you. But, I'm in love with Fitz. Always have been." She knew she was hurting him, but he deserved to hear the truth.

"You sure fooled me for six years."

"I allowed myself to believe that I was. But, my heart has always been with him."

"So, that's it?"

She looked at him with sympathetic eyes. She wished she could take his pain away. "I'm sor-"

"I want full custody," he suddenly said.

Her heart stopped. "You what?" She knew he was angry, but she never thought he would try to take her children away from her.

"He is obviously the most important person in your life. The kids will be better off with me. It will give you all the time you want and need to be with him," he shot at her.

"You're not taking my babies away from me."

"We'll see," he replied smugly.

"You need to leave."

"You want me to leave my home?" Was his haughty reply.

"Fine. I'll leave." She was done arguing. And tired of hurting him. And him reacting by trying to hurt her.

"Stay. I have some place I need to be anyway," he said and turned and left, making sure to slam the door on his way out. And, she broke down crying.

By the time Abby got back with the kids, she had managed to calm down. And, she was more than happy to see her babies. She sat down on the couch and held them close to her, showering them with hugs and kisses.

"Is it Saturday?" JJ asked, confused by the sudden disruption in his schedule.

"No. But, how about a day at home with mommy and Gabby? We can stay home and watch cartoons."

"Teen Titans Go?" He asked excitedly.

"Yes. We can watch Teen Titans Go," Olivia agreed.

"Auntie Abby, too?" He asked, looking up at Abby.

"Maybe for a little bit," Abby agreed and joined her on the couch.

Olivia grabbed the remote and put the TV on one of the many recorded episodes of Teen Titans Go.

"What happened?" Abby whispered.

"I told him," Olivia told him.

Abby arched her eyebrow. "About last night?"

Olivia nodded.

"Wow. I don't know what to say, Liv."

"There isn't anything to say."

"What happens now?"

"I told him I want a divorce," Olivia whispered, and fought back tears.

Abby looked at the tears in her friend's eyes. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Yeah. But, we did have six years together. And he gave me my babies. It's hard not to mourn that, you know."

Abby nodded. "I'm guessing you want me to handle it. So, when do you want me to get started?"

Olivia shrugged and laid her head on Abby's shoulder. "Just give us both a little time to process it. Him more than me."

"Fitz must be excited."

"He doesn't know yet," Olivia said, realizing that she needed to talk to him.

"What do you mean he doesn't know yet? You were just with him."

"I know. But, this isn't what we planned. We were just going to continue the affair for a while, and just take it day by day."

"But," Abby pushed.

"I stood here with Jonathan, and I just couldn't do it. Especially after being with Fitz. His love is like no other. And, to feel that again...I can't be without it. I'm ready to fully commit to us. I just hope he still is."

"I'm sure he is," Abby assured her. "Fitz loves you. I just hope everything works out between you and him."

"Me too. But, if it doesn't, at least we got a chance to try. Even if it is later than we planned."

JJ laughed loudly at the TV, waking Gabby who cut her eyes at him, and then smiled brightly when she saw her mother.

"Hey pretty girl," Olivia greeted her.

Gabby gave her a hug and a big wet kiss before crawling out of her lap into Abby's.

"Traitor," Olivia joked.

"Don't hate me because you ain't me," Abby teased. "Ain't that right, best friend?" She gave Gabby a bunch of kisses, much to the little girl's delight.

"You'll be back when you're hungry," Olivia said, smiling at her daughter and best friend. No one could deny the bond between Abby and Gabby. They were as thick as thieves.

Soon after Abby left, Gabby and JJ took an afternoon nap and she took the opportunity to call Fitz and ask him if he could come over so that they could discuss the decisions she had made.

Olivia smiled as she opened the door. "Hi," she whispered.

"Hi."

She grabbed the baby monitor and his hand, and escorted him out to the back porch.

"Are we hiding?" He asked.

"Kind of."

"What did you want to talk to me about?" Fitz asked as they sat down on the swing.

"I told Jonathan about us."

"I figured," Fitz said, taking off his sunglasses revealing a black eye.

"Oh my god," Olivia said, taking his face in her hands. "I'm so sorry." She reached up and kissed his eye. "What happened?"

"He came to my house and fought me."

"I'm so sorry. Tell your mother I'm sorry for bringing my drama to her house."

"She wasn't home. She had just left on her way to the store. I guess he waited for her to leave, because he rang the doorbell right after. I thought she had forgotten something, so I opened the door, and bam, he got me right in the eye."

"I'm sorry," she apologized again.

"It's okay. I let him get his punches in."

"This is my fault."

"It's not. And, I understand his anger. That's why I didn't really fight back."

"You let him hit you?" She asked in disbelief. Fitz was a naturally calm person, but he never backed down from a fight.

"Yeah. If I had actually fought him, I would have hurt him," Fitz explained.

"Are you angry with me? I didn't exactly go with our plan. And, you got a black eye because of it."

"No. I'm just curious why you decided to tell him."

"Because I want us," she simply stated. "It was easy to decide to just let it play out while I was in your arms. But, when I was here with Jonathan, I realized that I would never be all in with him again. And, I don't want to fake being in love with him when I can freely love you."

"Freely?"

"I told him I want a divorce."

"Are you sure?"

Olivia nodded. "We're finally going to be together. I mean, if you still want that."

"What do you mean if I still want that? Of course I still want that. That's all I've wanted for so long."

"It's not going to be easy," she warned. "He said he wants full custody, so it's going to take some time." She paused and looked up at him. "Will you wait for me?"

"As long as you need me to. I'm not going anywhere. I promise." He kissed her and then took her in his embrace.

She rested in his embrace, happy to be in his arms again. Each moment with him, reminded her of how much she had missed him, how much they had missed each other.

"You've got movement," Fitz said, looking over her shoulder.

She turned around and picked up the baby monitor. "Yeah. JJ's a kicker when he's asleep. He likes to fight his cover. He's not going to stop until that blanket is on the floor."

He pointed at Gabby. "She looks like you."

Olivia smiled. "She does."

"She even sleeps like you."

"I'm going to have to take your word for it," Olivia said with a smile.

Fitz wrapped his arms around her and she rested in his embrace as they watched her kids sleep.

* * *

To say Olivia was shocked when she heard the Jonathan's key in the lock was an understatement. She turned around and looked at him, standing there looking dejected and confused.

"What happens now?" He asked quietly.

"Hey Daddy," JJ came running in the room wearing swimming trunks, floaties, and a fisherman's hat.

"Hey buddy. What's with the outfit?"

"I'm ready for my bath," JJ told him.

Olivia and Jonathan just stared at each other, unsure of what to do in that moment. JJ looked from one parent to the other. Finally Olivia nodded towards JJ. "Can you?"

Jonathan looked at her and smiled before turning his attention back to JJ. "It's going to be hard to get clean if you're still wearing clothes."

"But, I want to swim," JJ simply stated.

"Swimming or fishing?" Jonathan asked and tugged on JJ's hat.

"We can't fish. Grandpa's not here."

While Jonathan bathed JJ and got him ready for bed, Olivia got Gabby ready. When both kids were down, she went in the living room where Jonathan was waiting for her.

They awkwardly exchanged glances before he quietly said, "I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Do I go get a room somewhere? Do I stay here? Can I even stay here? What do we tell the kids?"

"You can stay," she replied softly. "I'll sleep in the guest room."

"I...I don't want you to sleep in the guest room," he stammered. "I want us to sleep together."

"Jonathan…"  
"I just want to hold you," he said with tears in his eyes. "Can I hold you one last time?"

She wanted to say no, but he looked so sad and broken.

She nodded. "Okay."

After their showers, she joined him in their bedroom where he was already waiting in bed. She went to her side and climbed in. He immediately moved closer to her and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her back against his chest. She had tried to imagine what it would be like to be in his arms after being with Fitz. But she never thought that it would feel wrong, like she was being held by a stranger. Her body was tense and she was uncomfortable. She knew she would never relax enough to go to sleep. But, spending the night with him was more for him than her.

She felt his lips on her neck and she quickly pulled away.

"I'm sorry, Jonathan," she said and got up. "I can't."

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "I didn't mean...I just thought. I'm sorry," he apologized again and hung his head.

"I know," Olivia said. "And I'm sorry too," she said and left out.

She heard him leave shortly after that, but she never heard him return. And when she got up the next morning, he was still gone. She wanted to call him and see if he was okay, but assumed that he needed time. In a way, they both did.

* * *

Fitz sat the table upright that he had been working on for his mother and answered his phone. "Hello."

"Hi," her beautiful voice greeted him.

He smiled. "Hi."

"Are you busy?"

He wiped his brow. "Not anymore."

"Can I come over?"

He smiled. "Of course."

"Okay. Give me a minute."

"Just a minute?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." He walked in his bedroom and shortly after he heard the familiar knocks on his bedroom window.

He opened the window and helped her in.

"Hi," he said and greeted her with a kiss.

"Hi."

"I take it you were with your parents."

Judgement was in his voice. He tried to mask it, but he couldn't. And, when she looked at him, he knew she heard it. He didn't want to, but she had said that she was done with her father after she found out that he had kept them apart.

"It's just my mom. My father's at work," she told him. "Gabby has a day with grandma every week. I can't end that. Kids need schedule and structure," she explained. "And, I didn't want her to come to my place, because she doesn't know about me and Jonathan, yet. And, I want to keep it that way. At least for a little while," she continued to explain.

"I understand," Fitz said, feeling bad for judging so quickly. He just hated her dad so much for all the pain and years he had caused them.

"Yeah. But, you don't like it."

"I didn't. I thought your dad was there. I just…"

"He's caused us a lot of pain. I know. But, my mom is innocent in all of this. And, so is Gabby."

"I know."

"I'm sorry I have so much baggage, now. And, I can't offer you anything more than this."

"You're giving us a chance to be together. What more could I want?"

"To know that I'm loyal to you, and not my father."

"I know that. But, this isn't what you came here for."

She shook her head. "No. I just wanted to see you."

"I've been wanting to see you too." He sat on the edge of the desk and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her to stand between his legs. "Make sure you're okay. I got the email that you cancelled your class."

"I cancelled all of them for the week. Just wanted to take this week for me and fix what I can of what I've broken." She laid her head on his shoulder and wrapped her arms around him. "I actually came here to be with you, but I'm not in mindset anymore."

"That's okay," Fitz said and kissed her forehead. "Just being here with you is enough for me. Come on," he said. He got off of the desk, and took her by the hand to the bed where he laid down and opened his arms for her to join him.

She smiled and willingly went into his embrace. And, it felt right. Like home. Like love. They stayed like that for hours, just enjoying being together, until it was time for her to pick up the kids.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Fitz asked Olivia as she put on her shoes. "You don't need me to do anything?"

"I just have to go pick up the kids and cook dinner."

Fitz smiled. "I can't wait to really meet them and get to know them. And, see you being a mother."

"I can't wait for you to meet them," she told him.

"I just hope they like me."

"JJ will. He likes everyone. Gabby is the mean one. I think it's because she shares part of Abby's name." Olivia joked.

"You named her after Abby. That's sweet."

"Actually, I didn't. But, Abby will tell you and anyone who will listen that I did. Gabby is short for Gabrielle," she told him.

"And JJ?"

"Jonathan Jr."

"That's what I thought," he told her. "Do you want more kids?"

"I used to think I was done. But, that's when I thought Jonathan and I were forever."

"And now?"

"I want our babies. A combination of us and our love. To see our love come to life." She said and caressed his face, only to be interrupted by her phone ringing.

"Hello?" She quickly answered.

"Where are you?" Jonathan demanded on the other end.

"What?" Olivia responded, shocked by his tone and attitude.

"Are you with him?" Jonathan asked. She knew the him he was referring to was Fitz. And, she understood his reason for asking, but she didn't want to answer and hurt him anymore than she already had.

"Jonathan," she began only for him to cut her off.

"Well, you're not at work. And, you sure as hell aren't at home. So, are you with him?" He asked again.

"That's none of your business," she told him.

"Last I checked, we were still married. Besides, my daughter is with you, and I want to know where she is."

Olivia sighed. "Our daughter is with her grandmother like she is every week."

"So, you're with him," he insisted.

She knew he was trying to pick a fight with her. And, he had every right to want to. She just wasn't going to indulge him. "I'm not going to answer you."

"Why not? Are you ashamed?" He taunted her.

"No." And, she wasn't.

"You should be," he shot at her.

"I'm going to hang up."

"I married a whore," he spat.

"Goodbye Jonathan," she said and hung up the phone.

She sighed and put her face in her hands.

"Are you okay," Fitz asked.

"He's angry," she said with her face still in her hands. "And he wants to fight." She finally looked at him and whispered. "I'm so sorry for bringing this to you."

He knelt down in front of her. "You know we don't have to do this."

She looked at him and frowned. "You don't want to be together?"

"You know I do. But, I don't want to cause you any unnecessary pain or stress."

She caressed his cheek. "You're not. I want us. I'll admit, it's a complicated situation. But, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't fight for us."

She rested her forehead against his. "I should go get Gabby and pick up JJ. But, I need a minute."

"You got it," he said and took her in his arms.

* * *

Olivia looked back at Gabby as they waited in the pick-up line of JJ's school. She had a light snore going on like she had spent the day working when all she had done was play with her grandmother. She quickly scanned the group of kids for JJ as the teacher came up to the window. "Hi Mrs. Pope. Your husband picked up little Jonathan today."

"Oh. Okay. Thank you. We must have gotten our wires crossed," Olivia said with a smile. A smile that did not match what she was feeling. It was her day to pick JJ up. So, what exactly was Jonathan up to? She called his phone several times, but he didn't answer, and every alarm in her body went off. She started panicking, thinking that he had probably kidnapped him. She didn't know what she should do. She didn't know where he had stayed the night before, so she couldn't go to him. Should she call someone? Was she supposed to go home? She decided that she would go home, put Gabby down and figure out her next move, which would undoubtedly involve calling Abby and Harrison. When she got home, she saw Jonathan's truck in the driveway, and quickly calmed down.

Jonathan was in the kitchen cooking with JJ sitting next to him on the counter as if everything was fine.

"Hey Mommy," JJ greeted her from his spot on the counter.

"Hi baby," she said as she placed Gabby in her playpen. She went in the kitchen and hugged and kissed JJ. "Why don't you go in the living room and keep an eye on your sister for Mommy," she said as she picked him up and placed him on the floor.

She turned to Jonathan. "What the hell are you doing?" She demanded once JJ was out of the kitchen.

"Things got kind of out of hand last night and today," he said. "I thought we could start over."

"Have you been drinking?" His words were slurred, and she couldn't deny the smell of alcohol on his breath. "You were driving my son around drunk," she exclaimed. "Have you lost your damn mind?" Jonathan didn't drink at all. Alcohol scared him. His father was a drunk. And, according to Jonathan, when he was sober, he was the nicest man in the world. But, when he was drunk, he was a totally different man, one that would have Jonathan hiding behind his bed, trembling in fear when he was a child. So, he stayed away from alcohol, fearful that it would turn him into his father. The fact that he was drunk was a clear indication that he was really hurting.

"Your son? That's my son too."

"Well you're not acting like it," she countered.

"I'm not the one who left him to go fuck another man."

That one hurt. And she couldn't hide the hurt fast enough.

"The truth hurts, doesn't it? Tell me something," he said as he stepped closer to her and placed his hands on either side of her, trapping her. "Was the sex that good? Did he fuck you good enough to make you forget you're a mother?"

"Jonathan."

"He know about this spot right here?" He touched the spot just below her ear. "Know about the sound you make when it's kissed just right?" He lowered his head to kiss her below her ear.

"Jonathan move." She tried to push him away.

"Or the way you tremble when you're touched here at the same time," he said as he tried to move his hand under her dress.

"Jonathan, stop it." She tried to move his hands off of her, but he grabbed her hands with one hand while he tried to find the hem of her dress with his other hand.

"The kids are in the other room," she pleaded, trying to deter him.

When he didn't stop, and started fumbling with his pants, she knew that man was no longer the man she married. And, she started to cry as she realized with each passing second what exactly was going to happen while the kids were in the next room.

"Mommy, Gabby's woke." JJ came bouncing in the room.

Jonathan quickly put some distance between him and Olivia. He looked at JJ, and his eyes instantly filled with shame and sorrow as he stepped away from Olivia. "What am I doing?" He whispered.

"Mommy, why are you crying?" JJ asked with concern. His big brown eyes darting between his parents, his eyes lingering a little longer on his father, wondering if he was the reason why she was crying.

"I'm not," Olivia lied and wiped the tears from her face. She wouldn't destroy her son's image of his father. "It's just onions." She bent down and took him in her arms, needing his innocent love.

"JJ, why don't you go back in the living room, and let Mommy and Daddy finish talking?" Jonathan requested.

"No. Come with Mommy so I can get you and Gabby ready for dinner," Olivia said as she stood up.

"Liv, I'm sorry," Jonathan said, reaching for her hand. She snatched her hand away and grabbed JJ's hand with it.

"Liv?"

"Just finish dinner," she said as she left out of the kitchen.

"Hi sweetie," she greeted Gabby who was busy chewing on the ear of her stuffed bunny.

She picked her up and watched Jonathan as he finished cooking. The minute he moved to the counter where he could no longer see her, she grabbed JJ's hand, her bag, and quickly left.

"Where are we going?" JJ asked when they got outside.

"Shh. Just get in your booster seat, baby," she said as she opened the car door.

JJ quickly crawled over the seat to his booster seat and fastened his seatbelt as she buckled Gabby in her car seat. By the time she got in the driver's seat, Jonathan was running out of the house after them. She quickly backed out of the driveway and sped off with no destination in my mind. Her parents' house was out of the question since her father was undoubtedly home. And, Abby was in between her place and a hotel. So, that only left one other option. Fitz.

She felt weird, ringing the doorbell and waiting for him to let her in. His mother opened the door.

"Olivia. What a surprise. And, you brought cuteness with you. Hello JJ and Gabby."

"Hi Ms. Laura," JJ grinned at her.

"Come on in." She ushered the three of them inside.

"I'm sorry," Olivia began. "I should have called first, but…" she paused and fought back the tears. "I'm sorry," she apologized again when she realized her efforts weren't working. She was going to cry whether she wanted to or not. "I just need to see Fitz," she managed to get out.  
Laura looked at the tears freely falling onto Olivia's cheeks and took Gabby from her arms. "Of course. I'm sure I have some snacks for the kids. Go on."

Olivia quickly made her way to Fitz's room. She knocked on his door, and when he opened it, she fell in his arms sobbing. "It's my fault," she kept repeating.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Faded Pictures

 _Life is funny, ain't it?  
Sometimes you can end up with  
Somebody you really don't wanna be with  
And others left to figure it out…  
_

 _In a tattered picture book  
Was a photograph she took years ago  
Secret memories in her mind, how could love be so unkind  
Heartbreak time_

 _Faded pictures in a broken glass_

 _Like a mirror revealing  
What the woman is feeling  
Was he someone from a distant past…  
_

 _As she turned through the pages, the tears rolled down her face  
I could see her reminiscing, why'd her life have to be this wa_ _y…_

Fitz held Olivia until her cries subsided and she was calm enough to talk.

"Sit down, and tell me what happened," Fitz told her. "What's going on?"

Olivia sat down and told Fitz everything that had happened. By the time she got through, he was putting on his jacket, preparing to leave.

"I let him fight me, because I would have done the same thing. But, this right here is crossing the line. Is he still there?"

Olivia got up and placed a hand on his arm. "You can't. You going to our home and fight him. That will only hurt me in the divorce," she told him.

"I can't just let him get away with this."

"There's nothing that can be done."

"For now. But, the minute you divorce him, his ass is mine," he declared.

She smiled. "Agreed."

"So, what are you going to do? Is he still there?"

"Yeah. And, I don't feel safe going home with him there."

"Let me call Harrison to go get him," Fitz suggested.

"Yeah. I don't know why I didn't think about that."

Fitz got his phone and called Harrison, who happily agreed to handle the situation. He also assured Fitz that he would kick Jonathan's ass for him.

"So, what now," Fitz asked Olivia.

"Well, my kids are out there with your mom."

"Really?"

"This isn't how I wanted you to meet them," Olivia said.

"This isn't how I pictured it, either."

"Are you ready to meet them?" She wanted to know.

"I guess I don't have a choice," he replied nervously, and started fidgeting with the neck of his shirt. He suddenly felt hot, like he was sweating.

She grabbed his hand. "They're just kids. Don't worry about it. JJ will love you. Gabby won't, but don't take it personally. Just think of her as a mini Abby."

He laughed. "Okay. I can't believe you basically have a baby Abby."

"Me either," Olivia said. "But, Abby's been there from jump, so it was bound to happen."

He opened the door, and they walked up the hall to the kitchen.

"Look mommy. Pizza," JJ exclaimed. He was helping Laura add pepperonis to a pizza crust. Actually, he was doing most of the work, because Laura was holding Gabby who was eating a bowl of green peas.

"You keep eating pizza, you're going to turn into one," Olivia joked as she tickled him.

"Don't be surprised if you get peas on your slice," Laura joked as Gabby tossed a pea onto the crust.

"JJ, I want you to meet someone," Olivia said. "This is Ms. Laura's son, and my friend, Fitz."

"Hey. How are you doing, JJ?" Fitz asked.

"I'm fine," JJ replied, looking up at Fitz. "How are you?"

"Fine."

"When you meet people, you're supposed to shake hands. But, Ms. Laura's going to make me wash my hands again, if I shake your hand now. So, we can shake hands after I finish making pizza," JJ told him.

"Okay," Fitz said with a smile. "We'll shake hands then."

"Do you like pizza?" JJ asked.

"I love pizza."

"Me too," JJ said. "It's my favorite."

"That's true," Olivia agreed. Her son would eat pizza everyday, if she let him. She turned her attention to Gabby, who was stuffing peas in her mouth. "Gabby, can you say hi?" Olivia asked.

"Hi Gabby," Fitz said, bending down to her.

Gabby gave him the meanest look he had ever seen from a baby. He gasped and took a step back. Forget being like Abby, she was leaps and bounds beyond Abby. How did his Livvie end up with such a mean child? She glared at him for a minute, and then offered him one of her peas. Fitz took the pea and ate it, which earned him a smile from Gabby, and a couple more peas.

"Well, that's a first," Olivia said, shocked.

"Baby's love me," Fitz said with a wink as he continued to share Gabby's peas.

He breathed a sigh of relief. Her kids liked him, even Gabby. That was a definite plus. And, even though they were meeting way sooner than either of them had envisioned, he was glad that it had happened. And, that it was natural and organic. During dinner, JJ filled him in on everything he didn't know about wolves, which was pretty much everything. They wolf was his favorite animal, thanks to _The Jungle Book._ He also told him that he wanted a pet wolf, but his mom and dad said no. They talked and ate pizza until Harrison called and said it was safe for Liv to come home.

"Alright buddy, it was nice to meet you," Fitz said, shaking JJ's hand as they were leaving.

"It was nice to meet you too," JJ said.

"I'll see if I can talk your mom into getting you a wolf," Fitz whispered loud enough for Olivia to hear.

"Alright," JJ exclaimed.

"Really Fitz? A wolf?"

"A husky," Fitz whispered. "He'll never know the difference."

"We'll see."

"Bye Gabby," Fitz said, who smiled and gave him a backwards wave.

"She really likes you," Olivia said.

"I'm a likable guy."

"I agree."

He could tell that she really wanted to kiss him and was trying to figure out how to do it without the kids seeing.

"Next time," he told her.

She sighed. "Yeah. Next time."

"What was that about?" Laura asked Fitz after they left.

"She's divorcing her husband," Fitz told her.

Laura sighed. "I feared this would happen when you came back home. I hoped it wouldn't, though."

"Mom, you know how much Liv and I love each other. I can't believe you were rooting against us."

"I wasn't. You and Olivia aren't kids anymore. She has a family. A husband and two little ones. You came back and disrupted her life."

"That wasn't my intention," Fitz said in his defense.

"I don't believe that."

"Mom."

"You didn't pursue her?" She asked in a tone that let him know that she knew that he did.

Fitz didn't say anything, because truthfully he had.

"You don't understand," he began. "Her father kept us apart. I wrote and sent her letters that he never gave her."

"So what? And, I'm not trying to sound like I don't care. But, that's the past. You're not those kids anymore," she reiterated. "So much more is at stake, and I don't know if either of you have thought about what all this entails. You and Liv are both impulsive. Always have been"

"We love each other. Isn't that enough?"

No," she sighed when she looked up at him. "I'm not trying to judge you. Because I know you love her, and love makes us do things we wouldn't normally do. But, I am going to tell you to get your life together. Olivia has two kids. And, if she left her husband to be with you, then you need to prepare for that. You need to get a house," she told him. "Olivia and her children will need somewhere to live. I know you don't plan to live in the house she shared with her husband."

"Mom, I don't have the money for a house," he reminded her. "Not yet."

"So, you're planning to move them in here?"

"No. Of course not."

"You have the money. You may not want to use it, but it's there," she reminded him. "And, that's what you need to use it for. William would want you to."

Fitz shook his head. The thought of using the insurance money from his brother's death really hurt, because he didn't deserve it. For the longest, he blamed himself for his brother's death. And, while he no longer blamed himself, he still hadn't quite made peace with it. It was a constant ache.

* * *

When she got home, Olivia saw Harrison and Abby standing outside her house, talking, looking like the friends they once were, making her miss the innocence and simplicity of their teenage years. They both came to help her get her sleeping babies out of the car.

"I called to have the locks changed," Harrison told her. "They won't be here until tomorrow. So, I'm staying until then," he said and plopped down on the couch.

"Me too," Abby added.

"Thanks guys," Olivia said, looking at her friends.

Abby wrapped her arms around her and hugged her the only way a best friend could. "Are you okay?"

Olivia nodded. "I think so. I never expected that from Jonathan."

"Me either," Abby agreed.

"Well I kicked his ass," Harrison told them.

Olivia wanted to smile, but she was heartbroken that it even had to come to that.

"Let me get the kids ready for bed," Olivia said.

"I can get Lil' Bit ready," Abby offered.

"Thanks."

After she got the kids in bed, she pumped and had a glass of wine with Abby, and retreated to her room to call Fitz.

"Hi," she greeted him.

"Hi. Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"Harrison told me he took care of everything."

"He did. He and Abby are still here."

"I'm glad you're not alone. I wish I could be there with you."

"So do I."

She settled in her bed and spent the rest of the night, talking to Fitz. It felt just like old times.

* * *

It had been at least a week since she had heard from Jonathan. If it wasn't for her children, she would have been grateful. But, JJ had been asking for him every night and morning, and all that she could tell him was that he was at work. Gabby was saying dada more than usual, and turned her head looking for him whenever she heard a door open. She was tempted to call him and demand that he come see his children, but she had no idea what state of mind he was in. She definitely did not want to deal with drunk Jonathan again. But, they couldn't act like he didn't have children who loved and needed him. She needed him to show up for their sake.

But, he finally showed up. She was leaving work for the day when he showed up at her office. She took multiple steps away from him, making sure the desk was between them. She didn't realize how much his actions had affected her until that moment.

She could see the shame and regret wash over him. "Liv, I'm not going to hurt you," he said, quietly. "I haven't been drinking."

She relaxed a bit.

"And, I'm so sorry about that," he apologized with remorse. "You know that's not me."

"What do you want?" She asked.

He moved to close the door.

"Leave it open," she said, quickly.

He sighed. "Liv…"

"Just what do you want, Jonathan."

"I want to come see the kids, tonight, if that's okay with you."

"You finally remembered them?"

"I didn't forget them. I just knew I needed to give you some time and space after what I did."

"I appreciate that. But, your children miss you. You could have at least called them," she pointed out.

"I know. I figured we could also tell them...that...that I won't be living there anymore," he said quietly.

She nodded. "Okay."

"Daddy," JJ exclaimed and jumped in his arms when Jonathan walked in.

"Hey bud," Jonathan greeted him with a hug and a kiss.

"Dada," Gabby babbled as she crawled towards him.

"Hey Princess." He picked Gabby up and gave her a kiss.

They were happy to see their father. And, why wouldn't they be? For them, he was the same amazing dad he had always been.

"Where you been?" JJ asked.

"Working," Jonathan lied.

"You done working?" JJ wanted to know.

"Yeah. For a little bit," he said, sitting down with them in his lap.

"Who's hungry?" Liv asked. "Dinner's ready." She didn't want to eat dinner with Jonathan, but she was determined to make the day as normal as possible for her babies.

Olivia was glad JJ hogged most of the conversation during dinner by catching Jonathan up on everything he had missed, so she didn't have to talk to him much. She didn't hate Jonathan, and might have been able to participate in their conversation if things hadn't taken such an ugly turn in their relationship. After his drunken actions, she just couldn't look at him the same.

"Ms. Laura has a son," JJ informed Jonathan. "He's mommy's friend. His name is Fitz. And, we had dinner with them. He's going to talk mommy into getting me a wolf," JJ said, excitedly.

"Really? I didn't know that," Jonathan said, looking at Olivia. "Didn't realize we had reached family dinners."

"That wasn't planned," Olivia said.

"None of this was."

"Mommy, can I go get my folder to show daddy my work?"

"Sure honey," Olivia said.

"We're not divorced yet, so you had no right to take our children around your boyfriend," Jonathan said once JJ was out of the room.

"It was the night you tried to have sex with me with them in the next room. So, I might not have had the right, but you left me no choice. And, in my mind, we were divorced the moment that happened," Olivia said told him.

He rubbed his hand over his face and sighed. "Liv, you have no idea how sorry I am about that. You know I would never hurt you."

Olivia stood up and started clearing the table. "No, I don't know that. I've never seen you like that before. You weren't yourself. And, I don't know when you will decide to have another drink."

"Never. After hurting you like that. I will never drink again."

"Look," JJ exclaimed running in the room. "I got all my spelling words right."

"That's because you're smart and you have a smart mommy helping you," Jonathan said.

"Mommy's really smart," JJ agreed.

"Smart enough to know it's your bath time," Olivia said.

"Ahh man."

"She's got you there buddy. Come on," Jonathan said.

After they got the kids bathed and dressed for bed, they settled on the couch to watch a little tv before breaking the news to JJ.

Gabby fell asleep in Jonathan's arms, which was a rarity. She definitely was not a daddy's girl. But, she had obviously missed him. When Jonathan took her to put her in her crib, Olivia met him in the nursery.

"We need to tell JJ. It's almost his bedtime," she told him.

Jonathan stuffed his hands in pockets. "I was hoping spending time together as a family would make you change your mind."

"Jonathan, I'm no longer comfortable around you. Hopefully, that will change, because you still have to be around for the kids."

"I really screwed up by drinking."

"I'm not naive; I know I pushed you to it. You were hurt. But, your actions were totally unacceptable. I had never been afraid of you before, but in that moment, I was terrified."

"It's not your fault. It's true that you hurt me, but it was up to me to choose how to deal with it. And, I chose wrong. I'm truly sorry for my actions, for scaring you, for everything. I'm sorry."

"I know."

"So?"

Olivia nodded. "We have to tell him."

How was she going to tell her little boy that his father wasn't going to be living with them anymore? How were they going to break that news to him? Would he even understand?

"Hey baby," Olivia began when they got back in the living room. "Sit right here," she said as she sat him on the table in front of the sofa. "Mommy and daddy need to have a big boy conversation with you."

"Okay," he said, taking his seat.

"Honey, mommy and daddy love you very much," Olivia began. She felt she needed to establish that love first.

"I love you too," JJ said.

"Some very grown up things have happened, and that means that some things are going to be a little bit different."

"Like what?" JJ wanted to know.

"Well," Olivia began, glancing at Jonathan. "Daddy has to move out," Olivia told him.

"What do you mean," JJ asked, looking at Jonathan.

"I'm not going to live here anymore," Jonathan tried to explain.

"But, this is home. You have a bed here."

"I know. But, I'm not going to sleep here anymore. I have to get my own place."

"We're getting a new house?"

"No. Just me, buddy. You and your sister are going to stay here with Mommy. I'm going to live somewhere else."

"Not with us?" JJ asked, finally understanding.

"No."

"No," JJ screamed and jumped into his father's lap. "You can't leave. Mommy tell him not to leave. Please don't leave. I'll be good. Gabby will stop being mean. Please daddy. Please."

He went back and forth between pleading and frantically screaming. He was hysterical. She had never seen him like that before. And, it hurt her so much to see him in so much pain. She reached over to try to comfort him, but it was futile. It was breaking her heart. She just couldn't take it anymore. She got up and stood in the hallway, watching through tears as JJ tightened his hold around Jonathan's neck and held onto him for dear life, and hollered and cried like his heart was being ripped from his chest. She watched as Jonathan soothed and comforted him until he calmed down enough for Jonathan to sit him on the couch.

"I promise," Jonathan said. "I'm not going anywhere. Just in the hallway with mommy. Okay."

"Promise?" JJ asked for reassurance.

"I promise. Daddy's not going anywhere."

"Okay." JJ sniffed and wiped his nose with his sleeve.

"What are we going to do?" Jonathan asked when he joined her in the hallway.

"I don't know." She looked up at him. "I didn't think it would be like this."

"Really?"

"I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I didn't expect this." And, she really didn't. She didn't know what she expected, but it definitely wasn't hysterics.

"We can't do this to our kids."

"Jonathan-"

"Look at our son, Liv."

She looked back at JJ. His little body was shaking as he cried, while keeping his eyes on them to make sure his father wasn't leaving him.

"You did that," Jonathan told her. "This is on you."

The truth of his words hit her. She covered her mouth as a strangled cry escaped her and she slid onto the floor, sobbing.

"What are we going to do? I can't leave here with him like this."

"I know." She looked back at JJ. "Just stay. Let's get him to sleep, and we'll talk after."

"Okay."

Olivia stood up. "Mommy and daddy made a mistake. He's not going anywhere. He's going to stay here with us."

"Promise?"

"I promise," Jonathan told him. "Now, let's get you in bed."

JJ got back in Jonathan's lap. "Can I sleep in your bed?"

"Sure," Olivia said, reaching over to rub his back.

"You asleep?" Olivia asked Jonathan.

"No."

She turned over and looked at JJ sprawled across him and the bed.

"I don't know what to do," she said.

"Let's try again. For the kids' sakes."

She immediately started shaking her head. This was her and Fitz's time. Enough time had been stolen from them.

"Liv."

"You don't understand how much I -" She paused and looked at JJ. "But, you obviously can't leave now."

"So, what do we do? You don't want to stay married."

She sat up. "Can't we stay married...but, not married," she suggested.

"You want to stay married, and have my permission to continue seeing your boyfriend? Hell no."

"Okay. So, we get the divorce, and you just keep staying here," she tried again.

"No."

"That's not fair."

"Are you serious, right now? I'm not staying in a fake marriage, Liv."

"Then, what am I supposed to do?"

"Dump your boyfriend, and commit to our marriage," Jonathan stated.

"I can't do that."

"And, I can't leave our kids. Not after tonight. I never wanted to anyway," he reminded her.

"Then, I guess we're at an impasse."

"We're not. For our children's sake, I'm staying," he declared. "I'm not going to watch my son fall apart again. We ripped his little heart out of his chest tonight. And, then you told him that I wasn't leaving. So, I'm not. Because we can't go to him tomorrow and try this again."

"You're right. We can't." She never wanted to hurt her son like that again.

"So, we're staying married. You gotta find some way to commit to this marriage, because I'm not going to be your husband, and allow you to have some man on the side. So, you either find a way to commit to us, or we get this divorce and I get full custody."

"You wouldn't."

"I will."

"Jonathan, you tried to have sex with me against my will with the kids in the next room. Do you not get that?"

"Your word against mine. But, I will absolutely document every moment that you're not here with our kids, proving you to be an unfit parent."

She wanted to scream. She wanted to curse. She wanted to hit him, but she looked at her son, sleeping peacefully cuddled up to his father and decided to just leave the room.

"You know I'm a good mother," she said as she got up and left.

She went in the nursery. She went up to Gabby's crib and rubbed her hand over her little brown curls with the soft ginger highlights. They made some beautiful kids. There was no denying that.

She laid down on the twin bed in the nursery. She couldn't believe Jonathan was being such an ass. But, she understood. Of course no man was going to just allow to his wife to have an extramarital affair. But, he was going too far with the whole custody thing.

"Liv," she heard come over the baby monitor.

"Don't talk to me," she replied. "I hate you," she said after a brief silence.

"Why? Because I won't let you have an affair?"

"No. Because you're helping my father control my life."

* * *

Olivia sat on the floor of her parents' house, playing with Gabby, dreading the conversation she was eventually going to have to have.

"Aren't you supposed to be at work?" Her mother asked.

"I'm just usually around at this time, in case my students have questions," she told her.

"Do you want to tell me why you look and sound so defeated?"

Olivia shook her head no. But, she couldn't stop the tears that fell onto her cheeks. "I hate him," she whispered.

"Who?"

"Dad. He ruined my life, mom. And, I feel so conflicted saying that because I love my babies, and I wouldn't trade them for anything. But…" she wiped her tears. "I told Jonathan I want a divorce."

"Liv, are you sure that's what you want?"

She nodded her head in response. "Yes. But, I can't."

"What do you mean?"

"We tried to tell JJ last night that Jonathan wouldn't be living with us anymore."

"I can only imagine what that was like," Maya commented, knowing what JJ's relationship with his father was like.

"Well, multiply it by a thousand. I've never seen him like that before. And, I honestly don't know why I wasn't expecting it. We had to tell him that Jonathan wasn't leaving. And, we both had to sleep with him last night," she explained. "He was so distraught."

"So, you're staying together for the sake of the kids," Maya deduced.

"Something like that."

"Honey -"

"This is all dad's fault, mom. He's been making decisions concerning my life for years. He hid Fitz's letters. He set me and Jonathan up."

"What do you mean he set you and Jonathan up?"

"Dad offered Jonathan the city contract job, if he would take me out and make me forget about Fitz."

Maya was quiet for a moment, before she whispered, "I'm married to a monster."

"Do you know what that feels like to realize that you are not and have not been in control of your own life? Dad's been pulling the strings for so long in so many ways, I don't even know what decisions are truly mine, anymore."

"Oh Liv."

"Did I even get this job on my own, or did he make a call? What about our house? Was he the one who told Jonathan to talk to me about having kids? Because I wanted to wait until I had my phD and a job. I actually wanted to wait until I had my degree before we got married. Did dad do that too?" She asked looking at her mom.

"Honey, I don't know. But, you've had a good life with Jonathan. Accept it for what it is."

She shook her head. "No. But, I have to go," she said, standing up. "I have to go tell Fitz that we're not going to be together."

* * *

Fitz had spent days looking for a job and an apartment. It was next to impossible to find a three bedroom apartment, so he had resorted to houses to rent. And, it just proved his mother right. He needed to buy a house or have one built. He had forgotten how small of a town they were in. And the jobs were few. The closest he could find anything with any kind of salary was Meridian, and he really wasn't trying to move to Mississippi. He was growing more and more frustrated by the minute. But, his frustrations were eased by four soft taps on his bedroom window. It was one of his favorite sounds in the world. He opened the window and helped her in.

"Hi," he said, greeting her with a kiss. She responded by deepening the kiss.

He pulled back. "How was your day?" He asked, slightly amused.

"Just kiss me," she said.

His lips crushed hers, seeking and searching. She opened her mouth, welcoming his tongue. Their tongues danced together as they tasted each other, only breaking apart for her to pull his shirt over his head. She moved her hand over his broad shoulders and sculpted chest muscles. He was all man underneath her fingertips. She danced her fingertips across his abs, until she reach the waistband of his pants. She unbuckled and unzipped his pants, slipping her hand inside, making it hard for him to think about anything else. As she rubbed her hands along his length, he felt himself lengthen and harden in her hands. He moaned as her hands gently squeezed him. She pushed his pants and boxers down, and as they pooled on the floor at his feet, she lowered herself to her knees and started kissing along the length of him, teasing him with licks of her tongue, until he felt like he couldn't take any more. He grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled her towards his pulsating cock.

She looked up at him. "Now, you know better than that."

"Liv, you're killing me," he said.

"I know," she said and licked her lips.

He was at her mercy and she loved it. The power trip had her wet with need. But, she ignored the throbbing between her thighs, and took him in her mouth.

"Fuck," he whispered.

She moved her head back and forth, allowing his cock to slide in and out of her mouth. She took him into the back of her throat and his knees buckled. He placed his hand in her hair and pulled away.

"I don't want to cum, yet," he said.

"But, I want you to," she said as she looked up at him with a pouty expression.

He took her hand and pulled her up to her feet. He took his time undressing her, removing her blouse, skirt, and underwear until she stood naked before him. He allowed his gaze to travel over her body.

"You're beautiful," he whispered.

She smiled as he took her by the hand and led them to the bed.

"Let me make love to you and make you forget whatever is on your mind," he said as he hovered over her body.

She shook her head no.

"No?"

"No. I want to be on top," she said, flipping them over. "This is my show."

"Well, have your way, then," he said with a grin, placing his hands behind his head.

She kissed and nipped along his collarbone and shoulders. Her lips and tongue on his skin had him close to exploding.

"Liv," he groaned.

"My show," she reminded him.

She took her time and appreciated his pecs and abs. They had only been together once and she was so overwhelmed by the fact that they were together again, she didn't get fully appreciate them in that moment. But, now, she could familiarize her self with every musclar line and curve of his body.

She finally took mercy on him and lowered herself onto his rigid length. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. She smiled as she moved up and down on him, groaning with pleasure as his erection brushed against her spot in a way that only he could. Up and down she moved, sheathing and unsheathing him, while grinding onto him until they both came.

"Not that I'm complaining, but what was that about?" Fitz wanted to know. Back in the day, this meant that she had bombed a test, or a paper didn't turn out as good as she had hoped.

"Not yet," she said, quietly.

"Okay."

They stayed together a little longer before cleaning up. Olivia was in his arms when she softly said, "Jonathan and I told JJ that had wasn't going to live with us anymore. It didn't exactly go the way I thought it would."

"I imagine it was hard."

"Worse than hard. I have never seen my baby like that." She took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. Eyes that she loved. Eyes that she wanted to wake up to every morning. Tears fell from her eyes as she knew she couldn't. "Fitz, I can't get the divorce. Not yet. I can't do this to my kids."

He swallowed the lump in his throat. "I understand." He didn't want to be hurt, because it was his own fault for leaving, but he couldn't help it. "So, what, you just wanted one last time with me, before you went back to him?"

"No. This doesn't change how I feel about you. I still love you. I still want to be with you," she assured him.

"It doesn't matter, if we can't," Fitz pointed out.

"We can. We just can't be open with it. It would have to be a secret affair like we agreed to at first."

"You sure you can do that?"

"I have to," she said. "I should have just went with that at first. We wouldn't be in this situation."

"It's okay. I understand why you didn't."

She reached up, and kissed him softly on the lips. "Thank you for understanding."

"Of course. I love you," he assured her.

She pecked his lips again. "I wish I could stay here with you all day, but I gotta get to work."

"You know you can start using the door," Fitz said as she prepared to climb out of his window.

She smiled. "I like the window. It feels like old times."

Just as she was about to leave, a thought hit her that made her stop and drop her purse. "We didn't use a condom."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Goodbye

 _I know now I was naive_  
 _Never knew where this would lead_  
 _And I'm not tryin' to take away_  
 _From the good man that he is_

 _But how do I let go when I've_  
 _Loved him for so long and I've_  
 _Given him all that I could_  
 _Was it somethin' wrong that we did_  
 _Because others infiltrated_  
 _What went wrong with somethin' once so good_

 _How do you find the words to say_  
 _To say goodbye (Find the words to say goodbye)_  
 _When your heart don't have the heart to say_  
 _To say goodbye? (Find the words to say goodbye)_

* * *

 _Fitz froze at those words. But, he quickly recovered. He looked over at Olivia. It looks like she was frozen and unable to move, but there was panic and tears in her eyes. He knew that look. He went to her and gently cupped her face in his hands. "Liv, calm down."_

 _She lifted her eyes to his. "Calm down? Fitz, I can't. I...I can't be pregnant."_

 _He wiped her tears with his thumbs. "I know. I know. We'll take care of it. We've been here before, remember?"_

 _She nodded her head, remembering the time they were in college when the condom broke._

" _We'll just do what we did then," he said, referring to the morning after pill._

" _Okay." She sniffed._

And, that's exactly what they did. And just like that, life went back to normal. No waiting around to see if she was pregnant, and then if she was, having to follow that up with a paternity test. It was the best option at the time. That was about a month ago, but it was still on Fitz's mind. He knew it was for the best, but he couldn't help but wonder what if.

Olivia intertwined her fingers with his. "What are you thinking about?" She asked.

He looked over at her and smiled. She knew him so well. But, he didn't want to tell her what was on his mind. He just shook his head and kissed her temple.

"What?" She pushed.

He knew she wasn't going to let it go. "I was just imagining the future," he said.

"What about it?"

"Nothing really. It's just that after that pregnancy scare, it's been on my mind a lot," he confessed

"You do know that I wouldn't have known if it was your baby or his, right?"

He nodded.

"I don't need anymore ties to him. And things are so complicated right now."

"I know. But," he rubbed his hand over her bare stomach. "I want that with you."

She placed her hand over his. "I know. And, we'll have it one day."

"When is one day?"

"I don't know," she replied honestly.

"Is it when both of your kids turn eighteen and leave for college?" He asked with frustration.

She turned to face him completely. "Don't do this. You know I don't have answers to those questions. Why are you're picking a fight with me?"

"I'm not trying to pick a fight. I just want more than what we have right now. Don't you?"

"You know I do. But, this is all we can have right now. I'm trying to make it work the best way I know how."

And he knew she was. But, he selfishly wanted her to himself. He wanted her in his bed at night and in the morning. He wanted to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she loved him, and only him. Because a part of him feared that she was still in love with Jonathan which was why she couldn't leave. And although she said they weren't, that they were still sleeping together. He had never felt insecure where Olivia was concerned, so this was new terrain for him, and he didn't exactly know how to tread it.

She climbed on top of him and kissed him. "I have to leave. It's getting late."

"I know," Fitz said, slipping his hand between her legs. "I'm sure you have a few extra minutes."

She glanced up at the clock on his wall. "I don't. It's midterms."

Fitz groaned and removed his hand. "I see why you wanted that clock there now. It's going to be gone when you come back," he said as he looked up at it. He had moved in his own place, and she had helped him decorate. That clock was just one of the many things around his apartment that said Olivia was a part of his life.

She laughed. "You better not. It was a lot of work, watching you put it up."

He smiled and kissed her. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

* * *

Jonathan met her at the door when she got home that evening. "You're late."

"I'm here," she replied as she brushed past him. "I don't know what else you want from me."

"I want you to be a mother to our kids. They already ate dinner, if you care."

She quickly turned around and faced him. "Don't you play that card with me. I'm a good mother, and you know I am."

"Good mothers don't fuck their boyfriends before coming home to their kids," he barked.

"I'm not even thirty minutes late. Sorry to disappoint you, but I would need more time than that with Fitz," she remarked.

"Don't say his name in our house anymore," he demanded.

She sighed and continued to the back to get the kids ready for bed.

Jonathan followed her down the hall. "Where were you?" He asked, angrily.

"If you must know, it's midterms. I gave my students fifteen extra minutes like I do every semester," she replied calmly.

"Oh. I'm-"

She didn't even stay around to hear his apology. She went in the nursery to get Gabby ready for bed. She found her making a daring escape out of her crib. She quietly walked up behind her, so she wouldn't startle her and picked her up. Gabby started to protest, until she saw her mother.

"Ma ma."

"Hey. What are you doing, my little gymnast?" Olivia kissed her on the cheek.

Gabby grinned and grabbed Olivia's face and planted a big, kiss on her.

JJ came running in the nursery. "Hey mommy."

"Hey baby." She leaned down and kissed his cheek. He was already dressed in his Teen Titans Go pjs.

"Did you have your bath, already?" Olivia asked.

"No," Jonathan said, coming in the room. "It's bath time, buddy."

"Why does he already have on pjs," Olivia wanted to know.

"So daddy won't get the dinosaur ones," JJ explained.

"Okay," Olivia said, accepting his explanation.

Shortly after they were all in bed, JJ shook her and woke her out of her sleep. "Mommy?"

She turned over and held her arms out to him. "Hey baby. What's wrong?"

"I'm scared," he said as he climbed in bed with her.

"What are you afraid of?" She asked as she held him close to her. There was no reason for him to be afraid. Jonathan was in bed with him, like he was every night, while she slept in the nursery with Gabby.

She felt him shrug his shoulders. "I don't know. I just feel scared. And, Daddy is sleep."

Olivia rubbed her hand up and down his back. "There's no reason to be scared. Mommy and Daddy are here. Even if we are asleep, we'll keep you safe."

"Is that why you sleep in here? Does Gabby feel scared, too?" He wanted to know.

"She's okay. She knows mommy is here. Do you want to stay in here with us? Or do you want me to wake Daddy up?"

"Stay in here," he said as he snuggled closer to her.

"Okay." She wrapped her arms around him and held him tight so that he would feel safe.

* * *

Olivia laughed as JJ danced and sang along to Beast Boy's Catching Villains while she cooked dinner. She had put it on her phone for him, and whenever he thought about it, he asked her to play it. And she basically had to keep it on repeat until he got bored with himself, which was going to happen way before Gabby got bored with him as she laughed and danced along with her silly brother.

Jonathan walked in from work. "Daddy's home," he announced. And just like that, the mood changed.

"Hey Daddy," JJ greeted him with a hug. When JJ hugged his father, it wasn't the same enthusiasm it had always been. He didn't run to him and jump in his arms like he used to. She had been noticing it for about a week. She wondered if Jonathan noticed it too.

"Hey Princess." He gave Gabby a kiss on her cheek, which she promptly wiped off. But, she did that with everyone except Abby and Olivia.

Olivia turned the song off. "Dinner's ready," said.

"Alright. Let me get cleaned up," Jonathan said and left out.

"Come on JJ," she said as she pulled his chair out for him. She fixed him and Gabby a plate. By the time she got her food, Jonathan had joined them. Throughout dinner, conversations flowed through JJ the way they had for weeks. Olivia also had the luxury of trying to help feed Gabby.

"Eat your food, sweetie," she said, trying to encourage her to eat.

"No," she replied.

"Eat a little for mommy," Olivia said, offering her some carrot puree.

She pushed the spoon away and reached for Olivia.

Olivia tried to give her her sippy cup, which Gabby threw onto the floor, and started whining as she reached for Olivia again. She relented and finally picked Gabby up out of her high chair, and she immediately laid her head on her mother. Then started grabbing at Olivia's shirt, letting her know she wanted to nurse. Olivia was weaning her off, which had been going well until a few weeks ago. In the past couple of weeks, she had been trying to nurse more, mostly at night.

"I thought you were weaning her off the breast," Jonathan said.

"I am. She usually only wants to nurse at night. JJ, baby," she turned her attention to her son. "Can you pick Gabby's cup up and rinse it off for me?"

When JJ gave her the cup, she tried to give it to Gabby again. And, once again, it ended up on the floor, and Gabby's whines turned into cries.

"Okay. Okay," Olivia gave in and let her little girl nurse.

"You think that's a good idea?" Jonathan asked.

"I've been doing a lot of things I don't think are good ideas, lately," Olivia retorted. "Feeding and comforting my daughter isn't one of them."

"Our daughter," Jonathan said, angrily. "And, I think if you're weaning her off, you should stick to that."

Olivia stared daggers at him, but calmly replied, "she's fine."

Jonathan didn't say anything, and Olivia caught JJ darting his eyes between them. This was not good for his little psyche. Something had to be done.

After the kids were down for the night, Olivia made her way to Jonathan.

"We need to talk," she told him.

"What about?"

"We can't keep doing this," she told him.

"Doing what?"

"This." She waved her hands in front of her. "Living like this."

"That is totally up to you," Jonathan said. "You're the one with the walls up."

She knew that was true, but there was nothing that would change that. "We're never going back to the way we were. I know that. And, you know that."

"Liv, we're not getting a divorce," he emphasized.

"But, we can't keep living like this," she stressed. "It's not just affecting us anymore. It's affecting the kids, too."

He scoffed. "The kids are fine."

"No, they're not. JJ can't sleep. He feels uneasy. He doesn't even know what the feeling is. The closest thing he can relate it to is fear. He's going to wake up soon, and I'm going to have to hold him until he falls asleep again. Gabby was weaning off nursing. Now, she wants to nurse again, because it's comforting. They don't feel the comfort of home anymore."

"Well, that's your fault."

She nodded her head. "I accept my blame in this. But, as their parents, we have to fix it."

He scoffed. "So, you want me to help fix this mess you made?"

"Yes," she exclaimed. "As their father, yes. That's what parents do. They move beyond their wants for their children. I'm still here with you, because I thought it was best for them. But, I see now that it's not."

"Liv, I'm not giving up my family."

"I'm not asking you to give them up. Let's just give them two homes full of love and comfort, instead of one filled with tension and misery. Think about it," she said and made her way to the nursery, only to be met by JJ running out of the bedroom.

"Mommy," he cried, holding up his arms for her to pick him up.

"It's okay," she soothed as she picked him up.

"Hey, buddy," Jonathan walked up to them. "You want to come with me?"

"I want mommy," he said as he hugged her tighter. "She makes me feel not scared."

"Okay," Jonathan said and kissed his forehead.

"Think about it," Olivia said.

* * *

 _Chasing Cars was playing loudly on the radio, and Fitz was singing along._

" _Seriously?" William said, turning the radio down some._

" _What?" Fitz asked._

" _Can we please listen to something else beside this mush?" He reached for the radio._

 _Fitz knocked his hand away. "You'll understand when you find a girl you love as much as I love Liv. She made me this CD. She loves this song, so I love this song."_

" _You're pussy whipped."_

 _Fitz laughed. "Sex with a girl you love is way better than casual sex with just any girl," he told him._

 _William shook his head. "I don't get it. Y'all were best friends forever, and then all of a sudden you're in love."_

" _I fell in love with my best friend," Fitz said with a wide smile. "It doesn't get any better than that."_

" _Well, I'm not falling in love with Matt," William said, ejecting the CD._

" _Hey man," Fitz said, fumbling with the radio and reaching for the CD. William knocked his hand away and put another CD in. Fitz ejected it and they continued to play fight over the radio, until they heard a loud screech and bang and suddenly they were flying in the air and then everything went black._

 _Fitz woke up upside down, completely confused, and with an unbelievable headache and pain in his chest. He looked over and saw William on the other side, along with shattered glass, and concluded that they had been in an accident._

" _Will," he called as he crawled out of the car and stumbled to William's side of the car. Can you get out?"_

 _William tried to move, but couldn't. "It hurts," he said weakly. He tried to move his hand to his head where blood was oozing from, but couldn't._

" _Hold on. I'm going to get you out." He tried to help him out of the car, but the seatbelt was stuck._

" _I called for help," Fitz heard someone call. "Are you all right?"_

" _My brother is stuck," Fitz yelled._

" _Hold on buddy. Someone is coming," the stranger said._

" _Fitz, don't leave," William said, weakly, his breath coming in short, shallow spurts._

" _I'm not," Fitz assured him. He grabbed William's hand. "I'm right here. I'm right here. You're going to be okay," Fitz kept repeating as he held his little brother's hand. He felt William's hand go limp in his and no longer heard his shallow breath, and he knew his little brother was gone._

" _No. No. Will," he cried. "Come on buddy, please squeeze my hand again. Please," he broke down crying as he continued to squeeze his brother's hand, hoping to feel him squeeze his back._

Fitz shot up straight in the bed. He was sweating profusely and his heart was beating a mile a minute. He took a couple of deep breaths, got up, got dressed, and went for a drive, because he knew he would not be going back to sleep. It had been years since he had that nightmare. For years, he couldn't go to sleep without reliving that night. Hell, he even went through it while he was awake. But, over the years, it had gotten better. But, they were back with a vengeance. He knew it was because he was back home. And, he had finally caved and used some of the insurance money. He wanted a place for just him and Olivia, so he used that money to get an apartment. But, he felt guilty for using that money. How did he justify spending money that he got only because he killed his brother?

He needed to talk and clear his head. Olivia was only one person who could help him do that. He stopped and sent her a text.

 _Fitz: Can you meet me at the park?_

 _Olivia: Now?_

 _Fitz: Yeah_

 _Olivia: Fitz, it's late. I can't. Is everything okay?_

 _Fitz: I just want to see you._

 _Olivia: I can come by in the morning. But, I can't right now._

 _Fitz: I understand. I don't know what I was thinking. Go back to sleep._

Their lives had changed so much. Before, if he had texted her and asked her to meet him, she would have snuck out and met him without question. But, they weren't those kids anymore. She had kids, now. She had responsibilities that she couldn't just leave for him. It was time he accepted that.

* * *

Olivia had been worrying about Fitz since his text. But, there wasn't anything she could do about it. Not when her kids were sleeping next to her. She couldn't just leave to see if he was okay. She wanted to know that he was okay. But, she didn't want to leave her babies. So, after she dropped the kids off, the next morning, she stopped by his place.

Fitz greeted her with a hug. "Hi," she said, reaching up to kiss his lips. His kiss felt different, yet familiar, and she knew. She immediately knew what he was planning to do, even without him saying anything. She could feel it in his embrace and kiss. She pulled back and looked at him and it was all over his face.

"Fitz no," she began as tears fell from her eyes. "Do not do this to me again."

"Liv, you don't understand. William's death is starting to haunt me again."

"I do understand. What you don't understand like you didn't then is that I can help you. I can help you work this out. We can do anything together. Just don't leave me. You promised that you wouldn't leave me again," she begged.

"But, you're trying to work things out with your husband." He tried to justify his decision to both of them.

"I am not. And you know I'm not. I'm just trying not to break my little boy's heart. But, I'm not giving up on us," she reminded him. "You're giving up."

"I'm not. I'm trying to get away from what I did. I can't keep having these nightmares. I only have these dreams when I'm here."

"Why is it so easy for you to leave me? To walk away from us? Why doesn't it hurt you the way that it hurts me?" She wanted to know.

"It does."

"It doesn't, Fitz. It doesn't. Because, if it did, you wouldn't leave. If you felt what I felt on the day you left me, there's no way you would ever consider leaving me again."

"Liv," he reached for her hand, but she snatched it away.

"I fucked up my life for you, Fitz," she exclaimed with tears streaming down her face. "Turned my husband into a man I don't even recognize. Screwed up my kids life for nothing. Took their home and stability away. All for you. For us."

"Liv, I'm sorry."

"That's all you can offer me? 'I'm sorry.'"

"Liv."

"I know I can't offer you all of me, right now. But, I'm giving you what I can." She wiped her tears and sat down. " You're not coming back this time, are you?"

He kneeled in front of her. "No," he said quietly, almost a whisper.

She covered her mouth with her hand to keep a sob from escaping.

"There's nothing here for me, anymore," he tried to explain. "I had to come back to see that."

"But, I'm here," she sniffed.

"I know. And, I love you."

She shook her head. "You don't. If you did, you wouldn't be leaving me again. But, here you are. Walking away from me again. Like it's nothing." She scoffed. "I can't believe this is happening again. And, here I was feeling bad about taking the morning after pill after you talked about us having kids together. But, what difference would it make? You would just leave us."

"Livvie, you know I wouldn't leave if you were pregnant."

That comment was like a punch to her gut. It hurt her so much. She tried to stop the new stream of tears, but she couldn't. "You would stay for our child, but not for me?"

"Liv, that's not what I-"

"You don't love me enough to stay."

"Liv-"

"Let it go, Fitz." She stood up and grabbed her purse. "I should go," she said as she walked out, refusing to look back as she left.

* * *

"You look like hell," Laura said when Fitz walked in. "Are you okay?"

"I didn't get much sleep."

She motioned towards the couch. "What's going on?"

Fitz sat down and put his head in his hands. "The dreams about William have started back."

Laura sat down next to Fitz and hugged him. "Honey, I'm sorry. We'll work through it."

"I can't. The only time the dreams stopped is when I wasn't here. So, I'm leaving."

Laura sat up and looked at him. "Again?"

Fitz couldn't miss the hurt in her voice. All he was doing was hurting the women who loved him.

"I'm sorry," he told her. "But, I can't stay here. I just can't."

"You think I don't dream about William every night?"

"It's a little different for me, Mom. I see the accident over and over again. I feel him die every night."

"Fitz, I lost my baby boy," she pointed out.

"I don't know how you can stand to look at me."

"Because I know it's not your fault. You have to stop blaming yourself. You have to talk to someone," she pushed.

"It won't help."

"You don't know that."

"We were goofing around. I wasn't even really paying attention like I should have been."

"Something you two had done a countless number of times before."

"It still was my fault," he determined.

"Your mind is made up, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"What about Olivia? Does she know?"

He nodded his head. "Yeah."

"So, what happens with her?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Nothing. I ended it. Probably what's best for her family, anyway."

"I wish you were staying," Laura said.

"I know. But, this is what's best me, Mom." He was sold on the idea of leaving. He had no idea where he was going. He just knew that he had to get away. He wished things were different, but William's death was the one thing he couldn't live with. That guilt was stronger than everything else in his life.

* * *

Olivia stood back and quietly listened to Jonathan and JJ's conversation whole Jonathan helped him get ready for bed.

"You want to tell me what you were scared of last night," Jonathan asked JJ.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. I just feel scared a lot. But, mommy makes it go away."

"Do you feel scared when you're with me," Jonathan wanted to know.

"Sometimes, if mommy isn't here."

"Do you know why?"

JJ shook his head.

"Do you think I will hurt you?"

JJ shook his head. "No. But sometimes you're not nice to Mommy," he said quietly with his eyes cast down.

"What? Mommy's -" Jonathan was prepared to go on the defensive and accuse of Olivia of not being nice to him, because of her affair. But, he stopped himself. He was talking to his son, and was supposed to be finding the source of his fears, not vindicating himself. And, he knew he and Olivia hadn't been nice to each other lately. And, his son was forcing him to admit to himself that it was more him than it was her. He could tell that she had considered the children, and stopped herself on quite a few occasions. But, he had been in his feelings, and let them out when he undoubtedly should have held them in. "I don't mean to be. I promise I'll be nice from now on. Okay?"

JJ nodded. "Okay."

"Alright. Good job," Jonathan high fived JJ. "Now, go give Mommy and Gabby a hug and a kiss and let's get tucked in for your story."

Olivia quickly made her way back to the nursery to wait on her hug and kiss.

"Goodnight, Mommy," JJ raced on the room and gave her a hug and kiss.

"Goodnight sweetheart." She hugged him tightly.

"Goodnight," he whispered to a sleeping Gabby and kissed her cheek, which she even wiped off in her sleep.

 _Lil' mean ass,_ Olivia chuckled to herself.

"Don't be scared. Mommy's here," JJ whispered and ran back out.

Except for her time with JJ and Gabby, Olivia had been on autopilot. Fitz had shot her whole day to hell. But, she had to power through it. Now, that her babies were asleep, she had some time alone with her thoughts and feelings.

She couldn't believe this was happening. Not at this moment. Not when she thought she finally had some semblance of control over her own life. She realized that she didn't. Realized that the control that she thought she had, rested in Fitz's hands. And, she hated that. She needed to at least feel in control, but at the same time be held. To be comforted and told that everything would be alright, even if it was a lie.

She softly closed the bathroom door, careful not to draw attention to herself. And quietly took off her robe before joining Jonathan in the shower. He turned around at her intrusion. She could tell he wanted to smile, but he was also confused.

"Liv?"

She took a step back. What was she doing?

"Liv?" There was urgency in his voice. And he no longer looked confused, but concerned. He reached out a hand to her and she realized what she thought was water on her face was actually tears. And she sunk down to the floor, sobbing.

"Liv," Jonathan called her again. "I'm not totally sure what I should do here. My instinct is to hold you, but, I don't know if that's what you want. If you would be comfortable with that. Tell me what you want," he said softly. "What do you need?"

"Him," she whispered between sobs. "I need Fitz."

She knew what she was asking for was ridiculous and something that she could not have. So, she just asked for a few minutes to herself. Just a little time to sit with her new reality that her life was fucked up and there was no longer a light at the end of the tunnel anymore. Fitz was leaving, which meant everything that had happened since his return had been for nothing. For nothing. She couldn't believe she had put herself in this situation. If she had just taken some time, and maybe not told Jonathan right away, there would be something there to salvage.

* * *

Fitz knocked lightly on her open office door.

"Hi," he said softly when her eyes lifted to his.

"Can I help you?"

He knew he deserved that. But, he stepped further inside and closed the door.

"I just want to let you know that I'm leaving before day tomorrow. I probably won't see you again before I go. So, I just wanted to say goodbye."

"Goodbye," she said with no feeling or emotions. And, it really hurt him. Probably not as much as him leaving was hurting her, though.

"Don't be like that," he pleaded.

"Fitz just leave," she said with exasperation. "You came here, and now….I can't even fake this shit with Jonathan anymore. I tried."

What did she mean by she tried? He didn't like what that implied. "What do you mean you tried?"

"I tried to fuck him," she told him. She fought back tears. Ashamed of who she was in that moment with Jonathan. "I tried to have sex with my husband and couldn't. I tried to fix what I broke just because you were back in my life, and I couldn't. You fucked up my life." Tears fell from her eyes. "You should have never came back."

"Don't say that," he pleaded.

"Why not? It's true."

"Liv."

"Look at my life, Fitz. You came back and I fucked up. Acted on impulse and emotion. And, here we are. But, you're leaving. You don't have to deal with the repercussions of you telling me that you love me, and me believing it enough to basically throw everything else away."

"Liv, I don't know what else to say except I'm sorry."

"Nothing. You don't have to say anything else. This was my fault. I was the one with the husband and kids. I should've been more responsible." She grabbed her bag and prepared to leave, but he was still standing there.

"What?" She demanded. "What else do you want from me?"

He walked up to her and wrapped his arms around her in a hug. She resisted at first, but soon broke down crying in his arms. He knew she was going to miss him. He was going to miss her. But, he didn't know what else to do. Leaving had helped him once before. He just hoped it would help him again.

"I'm sorry," Olivia apologized once she stopped crying and took a step back from Fitz.

"Don't apologize."

She cleared her throat. "I don't want to seem like I don't care," she told him. "Because I know you blame yourself. So, I hope you finally find peace with William's death."

"Thanks," he said quietly. He stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Can I kiss you goodbye?"

She reached up, kissed his cheek, and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'm angry with you right now. And, I'm hurting. But, you will always be my first love, and I will forever love you, no matter where you are in this life. You don't have to be in my arms to feel my love. It's with you always."

"I will forever love you," he whispered. He kissed her cheek, allowing his lips to linger as he cherished the feeling that he would never feel again. And the tears he had been holding back since he told her he was leaving begin to fall. He wiped his tears away and left, not wanting her to see him cry.

* * *

Fitz stood in the window of his old bedroom, looking across the way at Olivia's parents house when he heard a knock on the door.

"It's open," he said and his mother walked in. She wanted to be able to say goodbye to him and see him off. So, he had promised her that he would spend the night with her.

"I don't guess I can make a final attempt to talk you into staying," she said.

He shook his head. "This is hard enough."

"Is it? If it really is, stay."

"I can't."

"I feel like this is another impulsive move by you. You not trying to even think of another way to deal with this. You're just running. I would think that the navy would teach you to stay and fight."

"Stay and fight who? What?"

"Yourself. Your demons. Your fears. Fight for a better you. Fight to make Olivia your wife, and stop screwing with her emotions. Maya said Olivia's life is in shambles, right now. And, I know you leaving is only making it worse."

"I just said goodbye to her, and it was the hardest thing I had to do."

"I wonder how hard it was for her. Fitz, Olivia has given up so much for you. The school she was supposed to go to. Her relationship with her father. And, now her marriage. What have you given up for her?"

That question really hit him. He hadn't really thought about it, but it was true. Olivia was the one making all of the sacrifices in their relationship. But, what he had done...the pain he had caused his mother was not something he could get past to stay.

"What about you? I caused you grief. You should be happy I'm leaving. You won't have to keep seeing the man who killed your son."

Laura sighed. "I keep thinking about the last time you left. I had just lost William. And, then I lost you. I know you thought you were doing me a favor by leaving. But, you just made me grieve both of my boys. And, now I'm going to have to do it again." She took a couple of seconds to wipe away tears that were threatening to fall. "I just hope it's worth it. And, you find whatever it is you're searching for. But, I just want you to know that everything you need is here."

* * *

After sitting alone in her office, crying for a considerable amount of time, she finally got up and made her way home, where she found Jonathan waiting alone.

"The kids are with your parents," he told her. "And, I haven't been drinking. So, I'm not going to hurt you. I cooked dinner, if you're hungry."

"Why are they with my parents," she asked cautiously. She looked at the table that was set for dinner. She really hoped he didn't have a romantic night planned. She thought about the night before, and knew she had given him mixed signals. But, she was never sleeping with him again. There was no hope for them. And, a part of her hated that. "Besides," she added. "I don't want them around my father."

"Oh. I didn't know that."

She shrugged. "It's fine. I'll just go get them."

"Wait. I wanted us to talk."

"Jonathan." She didn't feel like hearing him ask for them to try again. She just wasn't in the mood for it.

"Just listen, please. Can we sit down and eat?" He motioned towards the kitchen.

"No," she said with exasperation. "I just want to go get my babies."

"Fine. But, before you do, I just want to...I planned this whole night to...um...to tell you that you're right. We should get the divorce."


End file.
